I know I mentioned before how I have my embryos up for adoption. I have seen three profiles and only one was a good match for us. We accepted the first couple, but they decided to try IVF again. I’m bummed for myself, but I am happy for them and their decision. I was where they are before I finally did get pregnant with my two boys, so I completely understand why they’d want to give it another try.
The second couple we didn’t feel comfortable with as they didn’t seem very confident in the open adoption (the agency only does open adoptions) agreement. They basically explained that if any child produced from my embryos wanted to meet us at or after the age of 16 or at any time, they were not comfortable with that (which we want to be allowed to happen if the child at 16 or older wants to meet us), but they were very willing to communicate through video, pictures, and mail which would have been fine with us before age 16 (we don’t require we see anyone after age 16, but it’s important to us the family is open to the possibility if their child wants to meet in person). Also, we weren’t that comfortable with the amount of credit they gave God to their decisions and life’s journey. ….TOO much!
The current couple offered to us by the agency to learn about is very open to communication and even meeting face-to-face when the time comes (if the child produced wants to meet us), which is perfect, but they are missionaries who involve themselves with an evangelist church and seem to wear God on their sleeves. I just don’t feel comfortable with that. While I do want a couple with a belief in God (funny, since I’m agnostic, but I lean towards believer), I don’t want their religion to be the center of their lives or decision making. I also don’t really care if they are rich, but it does not seem like they make enough money to support the possibility to support themselves and twins (highly likely with IVF and implanted embryos) according to the jobs they list (missionary to God and bible study teacher).
That may be judgey and unfair, but I have to be absolutely certain about the couple before I give them my embryos. They will be raising these children, and I want to make sure I feel confident in who I give them to. All the couples we’ve seen seem very nice and good intentioned. We have decided to wait despite that.
This journey is hard on all of us. We want to make the right choice for the embryos while not being TOO picky while giving these deserving couples a chance to be parents. They ARE deserving of a child (who am I to judge otherwise?), but I do feel it’s important to us to feel connected to the people going on this journey. We will be joining them on their journey to parenthood in one way or another. With nothing in common or no similar life choices, I feel like it’ll be more of a struggle between us and that worries me. If our ideals are similar, we would feel more confident in how these children we produced will be raised. Once they are inside another woman’s body, they are no longer ours. I’m good with that, but if I don’t agree on the environment on how these possible children might be raised, I just don’t feel it would be a good match for us.