Four and a half months later, here I am finally posting. I had written a birth story on a site I frequent so I just copied that for here. I hope you enjoy it!

This was written about my June 24, 2008 experience in the hospital on my babies’ birth days.

“Well, Tuesday arrived and my mother, my hubby, and my excited self made our way to the hospital. I was soooo looking forward to that day, I was really surprised I even slept the night before. I get there and they take my blood and set me up on the NST. That seemed to take forever!!! The boys were having a ball in there so it was hard to get a good reading. Not to mention I was contracting!!! I wasn’t in labor though…it was just the position they had me in. Well eventually I got my amnio and their lungs were definitely ready. Their cut-off number is 50 and they boys were at 87 maturity! WOOHOO. Now it was time to decide on c/s or induction. Cameron was head down but Kiefer was diagonal with his head at Cameron’s waist. He’d probably go head down at birth, but I was too afraid of him changing his mind. I just couldn’t bare the idea of both vaginal or c/s, so I guess I wussed out and went for the c/s. Everyone was telling me that was the better choice. I’m happy I decided something and that was all I could do. I wanted these boys out and any way they did it was fine by me at this point.

They hooked me up to a spinal epidural which took a long time since I have a high tolerance for pain meds…owie!!! The c/s itself was SOOOOO weird feeling a lot of pressure and hard to breathe. They sent in my hubby and he looked scared to death watching me having to force myself to breathe, but he was so comforting to have there. Well, I could hear the doctor was having trouble getting Cameron out (he was first even with the c/s) so he had to use forceps and the same with Kiefer. Stubborn boys didn’t want to leave home! They showed them to me as they came out. I was crying they were so beautiful, and I was so relieved they were ok!!

After the birth of the boys I was sent back to the recovery room. The boys had to go to the nursery since they appeared to have some difficulty breathing but they turned out to be just fine! they did a check-up on Kiefer too and his kidneys are working completely normal now!

June 27 (day I returned from the hospital): Well, I’ve been doing great! My itchiness is worse now than before and my edema has made it even more difficult to walk, but all in all, I have two wonderful boys to show for all this! I am not complaining. I’m sore as all heck though which is to be expected after surgery. Jason has been so incredible through all this. he’s a proud dad, loves his boys tremendously. He’s been pampering me meanwhile and just doing every thing he can to help me walk around and care for these boys.

Now since I’m home, I think things are going to get easier. OOO I hear them. Time to feed them!!! My dogs gets a little freaked out hearing them, but they’ve been so good. I’ll update you all later on that. I’m sorry I couldn’t get online in the hospital. HORRIBLE reception!! I’m just so happy to be home again.

BTW, Cameron Frank was born at 2:22pm at 6lbs 3oz, and Kiefer Charles was born 2:25pm at 5lbs 14oz.

I was actually quite surprised at how different they look. My dad had the same concern when he visited and was totally shocked he could tell them apart. Kiefer is definitely a smaller baby mainly because he has dark brown hair and a smaller head than Cameron’s. He’s almost always giving us a grimace which is why I call him Li’l Grimace. He’s SOO adorable! He’s got this soft cry which is actually quite sweet to listen to. He’s sleeping a lot and tends to sleep during his feedings which is common for preemies. Cameron has slightly lighter hair with this either grey streak or very light blond streak in his hair. it honestly looks gray to me which is soooo cute!!! He has this adorable thing where he squeezes his cheeks when he drinks from the bottle. He also likes to have his hands on the bottle when he’s not squeezing his cheeks. I’ve been calling him my little chipmunk since he looks like a chipmunk when he does that to his cheeks. That name hasn’t caught on with the rest of the family but my evil plan of passing on silly names will work eventually!!!! MUHAHAHAHHA. OK seriously though, they both have such sweet personalities already. Of course, this may be the quiet before the storm, but for now they drink and sleep well and they just like to look around and figure out their environment.”

I will update to current as I am able to. Again….sorry about the loooooonng delay.

I’m at 32 weeks and 3 days. My doctor said to not be surprised if these boys want to come out at around 34 weeks. That’s at least a week and a half away!  Can you believe that? It feels so soon! I mean, I have been waiting a long time for these boys to finish baking and even more so to get pregnant at all! I know I deserve this chance to be a mom, but my life is going to change so fast so much so soon! It honestly scares me. I’m not sitting in some remote corner of my house, rocking back and forth mumbling incomplete thoughts repeatedly over it or anything, but the idea that within one month, my entire life and focus will be changed.

Of course, worries of will I be a good mom, will Jason enjoy his new role as a dad, will my dogs be good girls and welcome these boys into their lives with little to no complications, will these boys be healthy… I could go on. These worries are neverending. Normal worries, I’m sure, but neverending. I guess I have to get used to that too…list of the neverevending worries. It’s part of being a mom I suppose.

Now, this does not by any means that I want to follow in the steps of my own mother. She had her good days and bad days of being a mom, but I hope to stay to my own values and morals and only take in the things that I learned from my mother that I found helpful and disregard the ones that I didn’t feel taught me much at all. I want to feel like I learned to be a better mother than my mother was to me. The only thing that becomes a huge challenge is that she never raised twins. That part makes me nervous. I see how much of a challenge it is to raise one child at a time…I gotta raise two at once! I know I’m going to get some advice from family members, and some of that advice will be good and useful, but some of it I’ll have to filter out and be patient with those offering their help even if I don’t want to hear it. I’ve had plenty of practice with that already and so far I think I’ve done a good job taking in only what I want to use or consider. It just gets harder when the same person gives me the same advice over and over again. it feels pushy rather than just a friendly suggestion.

My mother will rarely but has at least twice now picked on my baby registry. Now, nothing she’s said is bad. She’s not saying I’ve picked out bad items or anything, but that these are deluxe items and it makes me look like a new mom. Now, I am a new mom and I want to get the best for my boys. You never really get the chance to have another first child (or in my case, two children) so you do want the best for him or her. I see nothing wrong with what I have for them. I’m sure some things I get may not be something that these boys care for, but every baby is that way. Sure, they may find the box the toy comes in to be more fascinating than the toy itself, but that doesn’t mean just give the boys a bunch of boxes for their birthdays. If we do have another child…IF…. then a lot of these items will be good for hand-me-downs. Some of them may be helpful to family members that also have children of their own and we have no more use for an item or so. We also can sell some of the used or not-so-used items online if it comes to that. Nothing wrong with making a little money after they run out of uses for the things they have.

Another concern I do have is the dogs. They need my attention. We think we’ve come up with a decent solution, and that is since the babies will be spending the night in their own room from day one, then night time, after the boys go to bed, will be dog attention time. Already, these dogs are used to less attention so they will be ready for the lack of it once these babies come home. That will help a great deal. Now, they also get to spend time with us when they go for a walk, when one of us is not with the babies, and when they are napping. Course, some of that attention they will be getting is napping with us and not play time. However, they are old dogs and napping has become more frequent anyhow so I’m not too worried about that. At no point will I deny then the right to be involved with our lives with these babies, but they will have to learn some manners when in the company of these babies. I have faith that Sparky will take on the role of a good big fur sister and not see these boys as intruders or attention hogs. I’m hoping to get to the point where she will see these babies’ roles as family members and mommy’s property which means she’s not to get her nose too close without permission and is not to harm these babies in any way. I will be watching her closely and encouraging her to play nice and be patient. She can do it, I’ve seen her do it. I KNOW she’s a sweetie that wants to be a good girl. I’m not too worried about Skye at this point. She’s got patience and a sweet disposition around people. I just hope that her need to protect Sparky from her own (Sparky’s) anxiety doesn’t make her too nervous being around these babies.

Meanwhile, I’m looking forward to the baby shower that’s coming up on Friday. I already have an idea of what to expect, but for the most part, it’s still a surprise to me. I don’t know what is ordered for lunch other than where the food is coming from. I don’t know what games are planned other than there will be games, and I don’t know how things will look other than that we have decorations to put up. The house has already been cleaned so that helps a lot with some of the anxiety of having guests over. I’ll probably have to keep the dogs in the laundry room since we will have a baby and a young boy there that may make her nervous. So far, I’m still in good shape. I’m walking without crutches, I’m not going in to labor, and I have a decent amount of energy still left in me that I can enjoy the company and party without having to take breaks. I’m not on bedrest like I was worried I would be. Carrying around a couple of large babies this far in the pregnancy game is no easy task, but I’ve been playing the game well, and I am still up for the task of carrying them around on my own two feet with little to no assistance….not that Jason hasn’t helped me through a lot of this. He’s been so good to me. He seems to enjoy helping out when he can, though I can tell some of this has been hard on him and makes him feel overwhelmed. He’s been amazing though. I give him so much credit for doing the best he can to take me places that he normally doesn’t go with me to, helping me around the house when I’m unable to walk or do certain things, and has been great with fixing up the place to make it ready for guests and of course the arrival of the babies. I couldn’t ask for a better man!

Well, I think I’ve worn down these computer keys enough with this long post. I’ll continue on after I know more from my doctor appointment on Thursday and my nest ultrasound on Tuesday.  I jsut ahve a feeling things are about to change soon.

We’ve been considering one that says no lower than 17-18 mpg for city driving (mainly 18), but it is hard to find a car that is big enough to fit two medium-large dogs, two children and two adults that has such a low mileage record. The Toyota Highlander is a good car and the only one that allows us to be spoiled and is priced in our range.That sounds great I’m sure. But, another realization is with two boys in the car, we are going to be driving this car everywhere. With the gas prices rising and probably won’t be dropping to a decent price for a long long time if not ever, even a car with 18+ mpg is not going to save us that much. Some, just not much. So we decided to splurge a bit. The only hybrid car that is, although pricey, has the ability to do everything we want, meaning carry everyone and save us money, is the Highlander Hybrid.

Why spend so much you ask? Well, instead of filling up the 20 gl tank 1x-2x a week. It’ll be more like 2-3 weeks every month. The prius is a great car as is the camry, but they are just not big enough. The Mercury mariner is a hybrid but the fuel is really not much of any savings and the car is too small. The other hybrids we looked at were just not going to cut it either with horsepower, interior room, or gas savings. The Highlander hybrid is the only one that has managed to do everything. In the long run, it just seems to make sense. I’ll be more likely to keep this car longer until I trade it in for a better even more efficient car. The other cars non-hybrid I’ll be more likely to want to trade it in the minute those hybrids become more affordable. Why get a car when you know you are most likely going to want a different one? Leasing a car is always an option, though I’m not sure I want to deal with that. I’d have to limit the amount I drive which, because we only are going to be using one car, is not somethign we can count on. Kids create messes. I can’t promise the car will be in great condition when it gets traded in under a lease condition. it’s just best to finance. For the first year, it might be tight, but I will be getting a job at some point, and that will help to pay for the car payments. I’ll also be on a less expensive health insurance so that’ll help tremendously.

I’m hopeful that this will go through and we can get the car we want. I think it’ll help us out a lot. The car we have is just not going to help us save anything even though it provides the room we need.

This is where things got difficult. We have a middle name and that’s great! But, what about the first name? There are so many cool girl names out there, but we just can’t seem to agree on a boy’s name. I swear I’ve gone through the entire list of online names and we still can’t find a name that interests Jason. We came close with William, but not quite. It’s not a name either of us would normally choose, but it seemed to work well with Frank and the nicknames are nice (Will, Bill, Billy, Willy). On to another. I like Aaron, but I don’t like the nicknames… Ari, Ron, Ronny. Jason didn’t like Aaron anyway, so it didn’t matter either way. It seemed Daniel made a hit and is still a good possibility. I like the nicknames… Dan, Danny, but yet there’s still some hesitation in the commitment to that name. I’m not 100% sold on it and neither is Jason. However, if that’s the name we agree on, then I’ll be happy. We still want to find something unique, yet not exotic.

I mentioned this to my cousin and he loves the name Kiefer, but really does not like the name Daniel. He’s not the one naming him, but it was nice getting some input. He wants to name his son if he has one some day Finn. He made me promise not to use it. I told him there won’t be a problem there. It doesn’t go with Frank. Finn Frank does doesn’t roll off the tongue nicely. So we are happy in agreement!

So now, we are still at page one with the names. We have one or two on the list we are considering, but we need more ideas! We already agreed that if we adopt a girl, we are going to name her Matilda. Middle names would either be Maureen Caroline or Caroline Maureen. I like Caroline Maureen best. Either way, it doesn’t matter now! We need to focus on boy names!

Well, I’ll update when we find and agree on a name!

Now, I can’t judge the man and what’s important to him. I’m sure he too was a bit in shock since no one expects to hit a deer any time they go out driving. However, it would have been nice to see him a bit more concerned for the fact that he could have killed that poor deer. I’m glad he was ok. I’m not trying to say he should have gotten hurt. No one should have gotten hurt including that deer. I’m just hoping that this incident teaches that guy to slow down and watch where he’s going and what’s in front of him. I saw the deer because I was looking ahead. I know this is deer area and they are abundant this time of year. They are often around every corner and can cross at any time. At night, it’s not always easy to see them so you just have to keep and eye out. This guy was not being careful at all. It seems a lot of drivers just think of themselves and where they are going and not what else is around them. It’s all just getting there. Stop and smell the roses for once people! you may find yourself in a sticky situation if you don’t pause once in a while and notice what’s around you!

Well, let’s see. I’m going to start from where I left off last time! The job interview. I got the externship! They weren’t going to take in anyone, but they liked my interview and wanted to help me work in the field. I am SOO excited about that!

Well, I was up for an IVF treatment. Last time I went through this treatment, it took a while for me to be on my Lupron. That’s the leutinizing hormone that normally gets made by the eggs to tell the body to make progesterone…the pregnancy hormone, but I think it works slightly different with IVF. Anyhoo, my doctor ordered a faster protocol with more amounts of the same medication. This meant that I would be going through the actual retrieval/transfer about 2-3 weeks earlier than expected! This means that I’ll be going through my internship right in the middle of when I have miscarried in the past! OH NO!! For now, I figured, let’s just see what happens. 

Let’s talk about the IVF treatment this time around. First, I had a hysteroscopy. The doctor just wanted to make sure everything was clear with a much clearer picture since the last IVF treatment didn’t work. The procedure was fairly painless. It felt like a rough pap smear. The camera used was very small and the whole process was brief. They didn’t have the screen turned in a direction that made it easy to see, but I got that he thought it looked clear since all he kept saying was, “Beautiful! It’s looks beautiful!” So I guess that meant all is clear .

The next thing I was to do was the baseline ultrasound. That went very well. Ultrasounds aren’t normally painful. This was was no exception. Again…all is clear. I started the Lupron and ended my birth control pills. I also took doxycycline to make sure that I don’t have any infections lingering about. My husband had to take the doxy too for his body as well. The next thing to start was the Follistim. That is the follicle stimulating hormone. That one tells the ovaries to start making those follicles/eggs!

I went in for my second ultrasound where they look to find how many follicles are being made. This time, the doctor had to search much deeper in with the ultrasound wand so it hurt a bit…especially on my right side. 7? That was it. 7 follicles between both ovaries, but there were some small ones that were starting to appear. They took an estrodial blood test which tests the levels of the estrogen and it was pretty low. So I was to up the Follistim amount which was already doubled from the last IVF cycle. It wasn’t a lot more but it seemed to be tons. I even had to purchase another Follistim tube because I was low and that stuff is expensive!

I went in for my third ultrasound and again it hurt. Thanks right ovary for hiding again!! They counted 9 follicles this time. That’s almost the same as last time. I’m so bummed! Last time there wasn’t much luck with 8 follicles since only 1 egg divided once it was fertilized. There were still some small ones lingering about and none of them were mature enough to remove so I still had time to see what happens. My estrodial leves were much better so I wasn’t to change a thing.

I went in for my fourth and final ultrasound before trigger day. They counted 11 this time. 11! WOOHOO much better! Now I’m feeling better about my cycle and was so sure I’d have more good eggs to use. They told me to trigger the following day since the majority of my follicles were matured. Saturday was now scheduled for my retrieval.

Saturday came about and I was to be there at 6:30am! HOLY COW! I can’t believe I made it! That’s way too early for me. I suppose that was a good thing because I’d probably sleep through the entire process and not remember a thing. Well, not the case. I was brought in to the room and fed the IV anesthesia. They may as well have done nothing because DAMN did it hurt. I was squirming a bit but I held it in. I do remember I slept through a part of it. I remember the doctor (embryologist) counting in the background, “Egg one,” then I remember her saying “Egg 11″. They removed all 11 eggs! Awesome! So I was brought back to the room. Apparently I started to cry again. Last time I cried a bit, but this time not as badly. Apparently it’s a normal response to both the procedure and the anesthesia. Once of the nurses came in and told me that I had 14 eggs in there, but three of them weren’t mature enough so they left them in there. My body will just reabsorb them. Holy cow! 14 eggs in all! I’m happy with 11 eggs. No complaints here! I’ll find out later that day how many were fertilized.

The next morning (I guess they decided to call me much later), the doctor called and told me they fertilized 9 eggs. Two of them didn’t make it. I thought that was great news! 9 eggs is much better than one egg like last time. Tuesday morning was set for my transfer.

I don’t remember the time it was set for, but the transfer was not as early as the retrieval day. Last time, my bladder was about to burst so I decided to only drink 20 minutes ahead of time instead of 30 minutes. I have to fill my bladder at least half way so it remains straight enough they can see clearly in there. Before taking me into the transfer room, the doctor came in all ready to give me a lecture on why I should accept two eggs. They had 5 really good eggs and 4 good ones. No baddies, which was good. He only got to the part where I was 34 years old and with my miscarriage history he’d recommend two eggs but it’s up to me…..” I cut him off and said without a doubt in my voice, “I want two eggs!” He seemed both surprised and very happy to hear that I didn’t need him to convince me why two eggs are better than one.

Well, I was feeling rather comfortable this time when they took me in. They inserted the speculum and applied the abdominal ultrasound. Last time because my bladder was so full, that was really irritating. This time, apparently, my bladder wasn’t full at all. There was nothing in it. OH NO!! That would probably mean they’d have to make me wait a little longer. I just don’t want to have to go badly through this. I was afraid I was going to pee on the doctor last time! I didn’t want to feel that again. Well, as the doctor got ready, you could see my bladder filling up with urine very quickly. So, there was no need to worry, my bladder worked quickly enough so they could proceed with the transfer. They showed me a picture of the two embryos they were going to transfer. They looked really good from my point of view! The entire procedure didn’t take very long, and I only slightly felt the urge to pee even afterwards. The embryos were transfered without a single problem, so now all I have to do is wait.

That following weekend, my family visited. My mother, my brother with his three boys, and my cousin with her new 3 month old son. Normally, I’d have felt sad through this since I was surrounded by so many very young children when I was still having trouble just getting one of my own. But, to my surprise I was falling in love all over again with the idea that I may still be having kids of my own. I loved having everyone there! Even my brothers middle child who was fussing through a lot of the visit. He just was tired. None of them upset me. I loved having them around. i was impressed by all the different personalities they’ve all grown in to. My youngest nephew had the biggest imagination I’ve seen in a while which was wonderful to see. My oldest nephew used to be a serious fussbucket but he’s become so much calmer and easier to control. Apparently he still has his bad days. The fussy one this trip was the middle nephew. He’s got the middle child syndrome in the worst way. He just needed some personal time and my hubby did a great job offering that time to him and anyone that needed his attention. Even though he did end up cutting some of our fun time short on the one day we all had, I still had a great time with them. Of course, my cousin’s baby didn’t fuss the entire visit. He was an angel. We’ll see how long that lasts! LOL

Monday came around and I had started to feel some boob aches and pelvic pinches since Sunday. I just felt that it was time to test! So that night I got my test out and ready for me to pee on the following morning. I don’t think I waited long enough. I just woke up in the middle of the night and decided to pee in the cup and dip the stick. Then I waited and waited and waited. BIG FAT NEGATIVE! WAHHH!!! I can’t believe it! Not pregnant! I told my hubby the next morning what happened and he was so disappointed. Partially because I didn’t tell him I was going to test. I wanted to surprise him. I guess I did, but not with the news he wanted to hear. I told some forum friends about what happened, and they said I tested too early. I did? That would be great if that’s true! I started to realize that I counted from the retrieval and not the transfer. In that case, I did jump the gun by quite a bit. WHEW! I’m still feeling the pinches by even more now and my boobs are still on and off sore. I’m also really tired. Everything in me tells me I’m pregnant. I may still be fooling myself, because I want this so badly…even twins! But, for now, I’m still waiting to test again. I may try Sunday, or I’ll just wait until Tuesday’s blood test to let me know if I am preggers or not.

Meanwhile, I did call the place where I’ll be interning. I decided to let them know what is going on with me. My supervisor said she really appreciates my honesty and being straight with her. She knows that most people are told not to say anything about their personal lives, but they understand that there.We agreed to have me go there part time. I can change my mind on how many hours I’ll be there per day, but for now, I’ll be there Monday through Thursday 9am to 3pm. I’ll be off Fridays.

I’m so excited about how well this has been going so far. I start my externship next week on Thursday. Next Tuesday is my last day of classes. Once I’ve finished my externship, I just take my certification exam and hopefully become a certified medical assistant. If I do not work at the place I’m interning at, then I will look for a job. My career will at least be on it’s way, and I hope my family life will also be on it’s way.

If this IVF cycle doesn’t work and the frozen cycle doesn’t work. Then my hubby and I agreed on looking into either embryo adoption or live adoption. We’ll also continue to try naturally for a little bit. There’s only so many miscarriages either one of us can take.

It’s a good movie and I would recommend it.

I just don’t get it! If you buy a dog, don’t you want to add it to your family? If you want a guard dog, then you treat it like a guard dog. You have a fence and a sign of some sorts. But to let a non-protective dog wander around risking it’s life, what kind of person approves of that? They say dogs are stinky…then bathe it. They say dogs rip up the furniture…then train it. They say dogs get sick….take it to the vets for check-ups to avoid the heavy bills. They say dogs potty in the house…again, train it. They say dogs are expensive…can’t afford to take care of it, then don’t buy one. They say their kid promised to take care of it…when was the last time a little child actually took responsibility for a dog and all of its care? They say a dog sheds…then brush it. They say a dog barks too much…again. TRAIN IT! Dogs want to be loved and to be part of a family. That’s how they are. They are like adopting little children. they count on their new owners to care for it. Leaving the dog outside is not the proper way to care for a dog! Just because you have a house outside made for the dog does not give it what it needs. Sure it can survive with water, food, and shelter from the cold and wet days, but how is it going to understand how to behave when children are around? How is it going to know how special he or she is because they get the occasional attention from someone in the household when they get fed?

I’m really only talking about the ones that are left outside on a permanent basis. The ones that are left outside for a few hours then brought back in already have a much better life. They live among their leaders. If they don’t get the affection they require but a warm home and company, that better than staying outside all the time. But is either of these situations really a good life for them? NO!  I just can’t understand why someone who spends their money or time searching for a pet/dog for whatever reason and not actually take care of their investment. If it’s for their kid, then teach the kid to love and respect another life. If it’s for yourself because you are lonely, then take care of it as you would want to be loved and respected yourself. If you brought it home because you wanted the American dream, the American dream is an investment. You need to care for your investments and give it proper attention. What kind of life do you think you’d have if you lived in a household or outside of a household where no one pays you any attention and only feeds you and gives you water because they don’t want a dead body to be responsible for? NO! You’d want to be cuddled, loved, given affection, shown appreciation for what you do and what you offer. You’d want the attention and respect you deserve!

So it come back to, I just don’t get it!

Ok ok, it’s not THAT bad. I do, however, like to talk A LOT about absolutely nothing. Why not just translate my random ramblings online for all to see. You are of course welcome to share the space with me. I like company.

Well there’s a little piece of the mysterious person that started this site. Please read at your own risk. I will not be held responsible for any damages and injuries acquired while reading my entries.