It happens very often, you are at home and your baby is screaming. You aren’t sure what to do cause he’s fed, he’s been changed and it’s time for a nap. So, where do you turn? Pediatrician? Sure, you can do that, but why go through all the fuss for what should be an obvious answer? Your friends? Maybe but the last time you asked for advice you got an ear full off advice that just didn’t work for you such as “let him cry it out” or “just give him the boob”. Then you go online and Google the question, “Why is my 3 month old crying so much?” Then you REALLY get an eye full of possibilities and answers. You thought you had it up to ^ with comments from your friends! All of a sudden, you are more confused now than before you started to ask around. You start contemplating buy a book, or just returning your baby for a refund, it’s all so confusing.

Buying a book is probably a good idea. If anything, it can be used as a reference to go back to if one of the methods it suggests for whatever you want to do is not as easy to follow….or you just forget the steps. Going to your pediatrician is actually a very good idea cause what if your baby is crying because he’s not feeling well. They can give you insight at considering what your baby is crying for and how might you be able to make him feel better whether it be through medicine or a different method of comforting. Googling for answers is a tough one. It gives you the most recent adn personal guide to your problem, but you do have to think, “Who am I getting my answers from?”, “Does this person actually know what she’s doing?” There are so many ways to comfort a child, depending on why he or she is upset. So you are wondering why your child is crying. you look online and someone says, let him cry it out. WHAT!?! Your friend just suggested that too! Why would someone let their kid just scream through the night!?! “Just give him your boob.” WHAT WHAT!?! I need my sleep and so does my baby!? Your friends often get their answers from either their experience or what they read online too. But for experiences, they count the most to me. Each baby is different, but some methods work better and more often than others.

I remember online, someone was asking how often should an 11 month old be eating. This post was from about 6 years ago, but history repeats itself over and over again. All 8 women that answered this question were feeding their babies every 1-3 hours throughout the day AND night. None of them got any sleep!!! Now, where are they getting their information? Feedign their 11 month old through the night some said every hour? Do these women understnad that their baby might actually just want comforting and not a boob/bottle? Don’t these women need sleep? What I’m saying is, know where you are getting your information and trust your instincts on whether or not it’s good advice for you and your needs. I for one, am not going to listen to anyone telling me that if my boys wake up in the middle of the night to give them a bottle. They dont’ need it! They got all their nutrition during eh day. They need comforting. Cameron sometimes, very rarely now, needs to cry it out. Kiefer does better with a little extra cuddle and he’s usually out for the night. Because of the methods I used and discovered, I have two happy, well-rested boys. They are not super atteched to me where if I leave the room, they freak out. Sure they cry, but only for a brief minute before they get themselves involved in their own toys. Do they have perfect nights? Not always, but they now soothe themselves, or just need a ltitle cuddle or just a pacificer from me in order to go back to sleep and that’s usually 1 – 2 times in the early evening adn usually Cameron. I usually don’t sleep until after 12 midnight anyhow so the occasional wakeup doesnt’ really bug me.

So, how did I get to this point? I listened to advice that worked for me. I listened to someone who was experienced in helping babies sleep and fuss less. I listened to my instincts as well as the advice I took. I considered all advice, but I only used the ones that worked for me. My instincts worked very well. I found if somethign didn’t work, I’d try somethign else. For example, I was feeding my boys about 32oz a day of formula. They were sleeping less and less during the night. They’d be waking up at 5am or 6 am restless and not wanting to go back to sleep. They’d have more fussy nights and wouldn’t go to sleep well. Somethign was wrong. Somethign I was doing! My gut told me it was due to the amount they were eating. I went ahead adn did some research (books, pediatrician, Google, Parenting forums) and came to the conlusion that my instincts were right. I was feeding them too much. I lowered their formula to 28oz and they slept through teh night for about 12 1/2 hours NO INTERRUPTIONS! YAY!!! I figured it out. They are now down to 27oz 4 x a day. It’s working out so well! I had tried to go to 24 with 8 oz 3x a day, but that would only make Kiefer wake up earlier again, so I stuck with 26oz for a little. Kiefer still seemed to be a little restless in the morning, so I went to 27oz and he’s sleeping much better. Cameron was good at 24oz and 26oz. He’s actually doing well at 27oz now also, so I’m not going to change it until they seem like they want to change again.

So about their food. It seems like a lot of people online are saying they are feeding their 11month olds regular adult foods (minus the bad stuff like peanut butter, honey, and OJ of course). I’m just giving mine their jarred baby food and some finger foods like bananas, Gerber graduates, and addign some yogurt, oatmeal, cereal, and apple sauce to their meals. I feel like I’m not giving them what they really are ready for, but my hubby is nervous about giving them too much foods that they cannot handle yet. I think he just is not ready for them to grow up yet. It doesn’t matter, really. They will be eating this stuff soon. I’m still working on sippy cups right now. Once I learn to cook more stuff on a regular basis, I will be giving them more foods for them to eat on their own. Once we eliminate their jarred foods, we can start saving up a bunch more money! So, whether or not other people are feeding their babies full on adult meals, I’m sticking to what works for me and my husband. They are gaining weight, they love their food, and they are sleeping well. They haven’t gotten sick in a long long time and appear to be healthy, happy, little boys!

I may appear all mushy and poetic right now, but I see these boys, look in to their eyes, and I just feel things I never felt before. Every night, I hold the pillow that I use to sleep with closer and closer as I think of my boys. That pillow becomes tortured with my hugs since I need to get those tight hugs out by the end of the night. I can’t hug them that way or they’d be suffocated and squished like bugs! I watch them play with each other and I melt in to goo!!! I’m just so in love with my babies!! I hate to admit this, as I hate admitting it every time I do admit it, but I do kind of look forward to when they occasionally wake up needing some extra cuddles at night. It gives me just one more chance to hold them and kiss them. Kiefer is sooo cuddly when he’s tired and he really loves to give hugs. Cameron loves getting hugged and he really seems to appreciate being sung to during the little late night wake-ups. When I put him to bed, he’s usually not so in to the singing, but he likes to greet the animals in his room and being rocked to bed. Kiefer only likes to be sung to briefly and only when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Luckily for me, on the other hand, they don’t wake up very often. I do need my sleep! They usually sleep well through the night. I just love it though when I do get that last minute cuddle before I go to bed.

I love watching them learn new things. Kiefer has been climbing up the stairs like a champ. He’s fast too! He’s also learned to take a couple of steps. He’s going to be walking before I know it! Cameron has learned to stand up finally, adn he too has learned to climb the stairs. He learned that one before standing! Kiefer got his first tooth recently. Cameron followed with a tooth soon afterwards…then suddenly another tooth! Neither of them fussed! I was so sure I was going to have a few sleepless nights, but nope, these boys slept so well and were all smiles and giggles! Kiefer is drooling waterfalls, but Cameron only gives a little cough here and there. I guess they both have a good tolerance for pain! Today they got their first hair cuts. They were so good! The hair cutters both said they were sitting like 2 year olds they were being so good! Barely a whine. they just got a little fussy towards the end. Cameron was a little freaked out by the electric shaver used to straighten the ends of his hair, so that made him cry a little but was all right after the noise stopped. Kiefer got a little fussy towards the ends cause he wanted to get up and move, but he was happy once he got out of the chair. The hair cutter actually went to play with him while I paid for the hair cuts. They took before and after pictures for us too. It was a lot of fun! I’ll be going back there for their next hair cuts.

We don’t have much planned for their 1 year birthday. I feel bad for that since they will turn 1 years old only once in their lives, and it’s a big number! We do have my in-laws coming a few days later which should be nice. My mother does not think she can make it. My friend wanted to come, but I am in the middle of moving and I don’t know exactly what is going to be going on then…well, I didn’t know at the time when she asked, but now it’s going to be fairly quiet that weekend. We’ll take pictures once everyone is here. On their birthday, I do want to do something for them. Maybe give them their first taste of ice cream or something along those lines. We’ll make it special somehow.

I’m at 32 weeks and 3 days. My doctor said to not be surprised if these boys want to come out at around 34 weeks. That’s at least a week and a half away!  Can you believe that? It feels so soon! I mean, I have been waiting a long time for these boys to finish baking and even more so to get pregnant at all! I know I deserve this chance to be a mom, but my life is going to change so fast so much so soon! It honestly scares me. I’m not sitting in some remote corner of my house, rocking back and forth mumbling incomplete thoughts repeatedly over it or anything, but the idea that within one month, my entire life and focus will be changed.

Of course, worries of will I be a good mom, will Jason enjoy his new role as a dad, will my dogs be good girls and welcome these boys into their lives with little to no complications, will these boys be healthy… I could go on. These worries are neverending. Normal worries, I’m sure, but neverending. I guess I have to get used to that too…list of the neverevending worries. It’s part of being a mom I suppose.

Now, this does not by any means that I want to follow in the steps of my own mother. She had her good days and bad days of being a mom, but I hope to stay to my own values and morals and only take in the things that I learned from my mother that I found helpful and disregard the ones that I didn’t feel taught me much at all. I want to feel like I learned to be a better mother than my mother was to me. The only thing that becomes a huge challenge is that she never raised twins. That part makes me nervous. I see how much of a challenge it is to raise one child at a time…I gotta raise two at once! I know I’m going to get some advice from family members, and some of that advice will be good and useful, but some of it I’ll have to filter out and be patient with those offering their help even if I don’t want to hear it. I’ve had plenty of practice with that already and so far I think I’ve done a good job taking in only what I want to use or consider. It just gets harder when the same person gives me the same advice over and over again. it feels pushy rather than just a friendly suggestion.

My mother will rarely but has at least twice now picked on my baby registry. Now, nothing she’s said is bad. She’s not saying I’ve picked out bad items or anything, but that these are deluxe items and it makes me look like a new mom. Now, I am a new mom and I want to get the best for my boys. You never really get the chance to have another first child (or in my case, two children) so you do want the best for him or her. I see nothing wrong with what I have for them. I’m sure some things I get may not be something that these boys care for, but every baby is that way. Sure, they may find the box the toy comes in to be more fascinating than the toy itself, but that doesn’t mean just give the boys a bunch of boxes for their birthdays. If we do have another child…IF…. then a lot of these items will be good for hand-me-downs. Some of them may be helpful to family members that also have children of their own and we have no more use for an item or so. We also can sell some of the used or not-so-used items online if it comes to that. Nothing wrong with making a little money after they run out of uses for the things they have.

Another concern I do have is the dogs. They need my attention. We think we’ve come up with a decent solution, and that is since the babies will be spending the night in their own room from day one, then night time, after the boys go to bed, will be dog attention time. Already, these dogs are used to less attention so they will be ready for the lack of it once these babies come home. That will help a great deal. Now, they also get to spend time with us when they go for a walk, when one of us is not with the babies, and when they are napping. Course, some of that attention they will be getting is napping with us and not play time. However, they are old dogs and napping has become more frequent anyhow so I’m not too worried about that. At no point will I deny then the right to be involved with our lives with these babies, but they will have to learn some manners when in the company of these babies. I have faith that Sparky will take on the role of a good big fur sister and not see these boys as intruders or attention hogs. I’m hoping to get to the point where she will see these babies’ roles as family members and mommy’s property which means she’s not to get her nose too close without permission and is not to harm these babies in any way. I will be watching her closely and encouraging her to play nice and be patient. She can do it, I’ve seen her do it. I KNOW she’s a sweetie that wants to be a good girl. I’m not too worried about Skye at this point. She’s got patience and a sweet disposition around people. I just hope that her need to protect Sparky from her own (Sparky’s) anxiety doesn’t make her too nervous being around these babies.

Meanwhile, I’m looking forward to the baby shower that’s coming up on Friday. I already have an idea of what to expect, but for the most part, it’s still a surprise to me. I don’t know what is ordered for lunch other than where the food is coming from. I don’t know what games are planned other than there will be games, and I don’t know how things will look other than that we have decorations to put up. The house has already been cleaned so that helps a lot with some of the anxiety of having guests over. I’ll probably have to keep the dogs in the laundry room since we will have a baby and a young boy there that may make her nervous. So far, I’m still in good shape. I’m walking without crutches, I’m not going in to labor, and I have a decent amount of energy still left in me that I can enjoy the company and party without having to take breaks. I’m not on bedrest like I was worried I would be. Carrying around a couple of large babies this far in the pregnancy game is no easy task, but I’ve been playing the game well, and I am still up for the task of carrying them around on my own two feet with little to no assistance….not that Jason hasn’t helped me through a lot of this. He’s been so good to me. He seems to enjoy helping out when he can, though I can tell some of this has been hard on him and makes him feel overwhelmed. He’s been amazing though. I give him so much credit for doing the best he can to take me places that he normally doesn’t go with me to, helping me around the house when I’m unable to walk or do certain things, and has been great with fixing up the place to make it ready for guests and of course the arrival of the babies. I couldn’t ask for a better man!

Well, I think I’ve worn down these computer keys enough with this long post. I’ll continue on after I know more from my doctor appointment on Thursday and my nest ultrasound on Tuesday.  I jsut ahve a feeling things are about to change soon.

NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Yeah, right. as if… LOL! We have been thinking about setting up the babies’ room lately. We’ve gone to Babies-R-Us and picked out a crib (obviously that means two cribs), and crib bedding set, and a stroller.

Well, the cribs look gorgeous! We haven’t actually bought them yet, but they really are so nice! I used to think I had to get the ones that had the sides that lowered down because I was so short. However, this set does not have nay moving parts, but I feel I will be able to reach into the cribs very easily. They are made of pine with the knots still in the wood and are stained a tea stain. It’s not too light, but is very rich looking without being dark colored.

The crib bedding is a little more difficult. We chose a jungle theme. There are a few different options in the store, but the one we like the most does not have a lot of matching accessories. There’s another jungle theme that does have a ton of accessories, but I don’t think I like the bedding as much. SOO, we decided to get the jungle themed bedding we like and whatever accessories from that selection that we like and wish to purchase, but get the rest of the accessories from the other more popular jungle theme. The drawing of the animals are actually quite similar. The accessories aren’t going to matter as much anyhow since they are all similar animals (giraffe, monkey, elephant, zebra, etc…).

We also have been thinking about the color of the room. We are thinking to include a wall border that matches one of the jungle themes about 3′-4′ from the floor. Paint the upper part a buttery/creamy yellow, and the lower part a pale or muted green. If not green then maybe a tan or something along those lines. Either way, the room will look so nice with this two-toned neutral look! We think we can fit in the dresser/changing table, the two cribs, and the rocker chair, along with my hubby’s childhood toy chest and bedside table. The room is going to look SOOO good when it’s done!

The stroller is another irritation. We found the perfect stroller. We are so happy with the way it’s going to work, but it has no matching infant car seats. There is a single version of the same stroller with a matching infant car seat, but that pattern that is also offered in the duo stroller does not come with infant car seats. You cannot even purchase the pattern separately! I’m hoping when I call Graco on Monday, they will be able to let me purchase the matching car seats for the duo stroller in the same pattern. I’d prefer to get the matching set, but if not, then we’ll just have to find a set of infant car seats that both fit and look good with the colors the stroller is themed in.

Meanwhile, here’s another bit of exciting news. My sister-in-law wants to run a baby shower for me. She’s thinking some time in May. Originally, she wanted it in June, but that is so close to my due date and with twins, they can be born any time during June and July. I’m so excited about this shower! I don’t care if it’s a small shower or a large one. I just think that it’s such a nice thought to do this for someone.

I wonder if that is why my mother was also thinking I should ask my sister-in-law to be one of the godmothers? I was originally thinking my hubby’s aunt and uncle for one baby, and my brother and my cousin for the other baby. But, my mother did point out that with having one married couple be a set of godparents, it may make more sense to have my brother and his wife be the other godparents. I know it’s my choice, but I honestly don’t mind at all. They both would make great godparents. I know Godparents have a generally small role in a child’s life. They are guides, they are a connection, and they give the child someone to look up to. They don’t usually have any more of a role than that, but I like the tradition, and I think it’s important to do. We will probably …not definitely, but probably be baptizing both boys as Catholic which means they have to have Godparents. But, if not, then we will still think about picking out godparents just for the tradition of it. Both my hubby and I have them, and we’d like to pass it on. We are also considering asking my brother and my sister-in-law to take care of our boys if something were to happen to us. I’m only a little nervous about that because they already have three boys to take care of themselves. I’m not sure taking in two more would be a good idea. They would be taken care of through inheritance though. Well, that part, I guess we are still thinking about. We have time though.

One thing that is still bugging me (complete change of topic) is that I still don’t feel either baby. I mean, Cameron kicks and bumps my bladder a bunch of times a day. I think it’s cute, but I’d so much rather he kick my belly. I know the placenta is anterior so that may not be easy for me to feel anyway, but I really would like to feel that again. Kiefer is also another baby I don’t feel. His placenta is posterior, but I guess he’s just not strong enough to kick me hard enough that I can feel it. I know I’m only 21 weeks, and I may not feel them for another week or so. But, I did feel them one time about 3 weeks ago, and I just wish I could feel that again. I still love listening to them through the Doppler. It does give me some peace of mind, at least.

Well, I’ve rambled long enough. I suppose that’s what happens when I don’t post a lot on here.

I looked back at her after staring at her little baby. I could have sworn she had tears in her eyes. All I could say was, “thank you.” She smiled back and straightened up. As I continued on to school, she walked the other way silently. It was like one of those moments that you just can’t say anything. I was still surprised at my obvious misconception. I then realized that was the first time I actually saw a real baby!  That must have made her day. The look on that woman’s face stayed with me forever. That pride, that moment when she got to show off her precioius package to a strange, curious, little girl.

I never actually told my mother what happened. I told her I saw a baby, but I just didn’t get in to the details of how it took place. I felt it was a special moment that I wanted to keep to myself.

I then move on to pregnancy. I’m just starting to get into a new career. In fact, I’m supposed to graduate this December. If this IVF treatment works. I’ll be in my 4th or 5th month of pregnancy. Not that I’ll be showing, but it’ll seem so unfair to a new job that I start and then have to take a maternity leave so soon. But, then I remember that that’s how life is sometimes. If you want one thing badly enough, other things may have to be inconvenienced. If I have to, I can always find another job at my convenience. I know I could use the extra financial help though. I’ll survive, I usually do.

Then I worry about having a baby. Do I want one because I can’t resist the challenge of making a baby, or is it really something I want, and I am just doing what I need to to get that goal accomplished? That worry gets to me the most. But, then I see someone with their baby, and I just remember how much I want to be a mom. However, as time goes by, I go back to the thoughts of a baby that fusses and won’t sleep. One that tosses food around the house, and kicks the dogs. One that screams at everything including at night when I have a migraine and Jason is not feeling well either. I then wonder if these images of a fussy and difficult baby because of my worries that I’m not going to be a good mom. I’ve never been one. Only a mom to my furbabies, and I suppose that’s a start. I’ve made some mistakes there, but I suppose that’s normal. I look at my families children at their different stages and remember just the plentiful amounts of sweet times that their babies have not been fussy. They are happy and playing with their toys, cooing and laughing at whatever amuses them. They do learn to pet the dogs nicely, and they don’t always cry at night. It reminds me that having a baby is not about the difficulties they may bring, but there’s so much more. And, that’s what I’m looking for. The good and happy times makes it all worth the while, even if it’s not all the time. I know Jason wants one. I see the way he talk to our dogs. He loves them so much, and I just hear it in his voice how ready he is to have a child of his own.

I make myself sick sometimes with the concerns that pop into my head.

Here’s one scenario often raised by parents when talking to a childless person:

A mother and a new friend are talking. Mother mentions how frustrating her 3 year old son Tommy can get when he screams in the toy store, because she won’t let him play with the stuffed animals he reaches for. When she tells him, “No,” he screams. Well, it’s hard for the friend to hear her mother friend in distress. Friend has been having troubles getting pregnant herself. She’s read a lot of books about child rearing, babysat a lot of babies in her life time, and has a niece and nephew by her nearby sister that are 1 and 4 years old. She often sees them and is a constant source of attention and second mom to them. She decides to offer her mother friend some advice on disciplining her child in a public place. Mother doesn’t like being told what to do by a childless parent and immediately gets defensive and asks the sarcastic and offensive question, “Do you have any kids?” This becomes a very painful reminder to her new friend that she has been unable to have kids. She also feels a bit belittled that the mother friend has completely cast aside all knowledge of her past with children and has proceeded to insult her instead.

Now who is right or wrong with their reactions in this situation?

1. One could argue that the friend should not have offered advice unless the mother asked for it. The mother was probably looking to vent some steam about her frustrations and may have felt that she had the situation under control. She’s the one with the child in question after all, and she’s the only one that truly knows how her child reacts to things and what disciplinary methods she has and has not been successful with to correct the situation.

2. On the other hand, the friend was only trying to help. She felt sorry that her new mother friend was having some troubles, and she has been through this many times with different children. Her advice was not requested, but friends do like to offer different opinions and to offer help whenever they see it could be needed. She meant no harm by offering the suggestions and certainly no offense by it. She ended up feeling hurt by the harsh comment made by her mother friend and completely unvalidated and belittled.

In this case both people were wrong and both were right. The friend should not have offered the advice without at least asking if her mother friend would like her opinion on the matter. But the mother friend should have both considered her friend’s background, and she should have talked to her with a lot more thought and respect. A simple,”I have it under control, but thank you for your thoughts,” would have been enough to end the conversation and let both people feel like they are heard and respected. No one likes to think their opinions are meaningless. Everyone comes from a different background and experiences that may offer a new perspective on situations such as the one I have sampled above.

So for all those parents out there who get unsolicited advice from friends, loved-ones, and strangers, keep in mind they may have something to add to your situation. If you do not feel so, then please be kind and thank them for their concern and just move on.

I get unwanted advice occasionally for my multiple sclerosis. People that do not have or understand the disease offer advice that really does not help me, but I do try to keep in mind that they are just trying to help and to show concern. I do not bite their heads off, and nor do I ask them questions like, “Do you have MS? Do you know what it’s like?” Those people may not know much about about MS, but they may know someone that does or a friend of someone they know and has heard a lot about it. They may just be offering advice based on what they’ve heard or experienced.

It can get irritating the amount of unrequested advice comes your way, but no one knows what you know either. The most experienced parent or illness sufferer usually does not know everything there is to know about what they are going through. So, from an advice giver’s point of view, keep all this in mind when you receive your next unwanted advice.