I can’t believe they are not ready to come out at this point. Next week, I have another doctor’s appointment and an NST with an API. The NST is to listen in and make sure they are not stressing out and are doing ok. The API is a visualization to do a brief growth estimate to determine when they may have to come out. I’m seeing my doctor regardless since I had made that appointment before knowing about the NST/API requirements. I’m going to be doing the NSTs and APIs every week until I pop. I also have a follow-up ultrasound in three weeks. I’ll be really surprised if I last that long to me honest with you.

Now,back to the baby shower. One of the games was to guess the due dates, time born, and weights of the babies when they are born. Well, already a few people are out of the pool. Some had guessed they will be under 5 lbs when they are born. LOL, well that ain’t going to happen! I’m thinking about 6 – 7 lbs at least.

Now there is still one concern with Kiefer. His left kidney is still a little dilated. The doctor said that it may be narrowed where the kidney meets the ureter, or reflux. I’m suspecting reflux since the problem goes from one side to the next. If it doesn’t clear up by the time he’s born, they will do a postnatal assessment on him to determine what could be causing his delay with urinating. I hope it’s nothing too serious.  He IS peeing, but it’s just not happening as easily as it should be.

As far as their estimated growth. Cameron’s age is averaging at 36w 1d and Kiefer’s age is estimated at 34w 5d. It appears that Cameron is still 3 weeks ahead but at least he hasn’t gained too much in age. His head is big, however and he’s breech now, so my desire to go for a vaginal birth is probably not going to happen. I think I’m going to be facing a c-section at this point . Oh well, I still can hope, but if I have to do a cesarean, then so be it. It’s the babies’ health that matters here. I will not be able to have a vaginal breech if he’s in the position he’s in any how. There are some breech positions which are not that dangerous to both the mom and baby, but he’s in a slightly tilted Frank breech I believe and that is just not going to happen for me. Kiefer is also breech, but twin B’s are a bit more flexible since there’s often a chance the second baby can change positions last minute due to having all that extra space after twin A is born. As far as Kiefer goes, he’s slowly catching up to Cameron’s estimated age. That makes me happy because he’s definitely getting everything he needs and Cameron is sharing his space well with Kiefer. Though…I think Cameron was kicking Kiefer in the head last week in the sneak peek ultrasound I got from the doctor. Well, what should I expect? They’re boys!

I’m at 32 weeks and 3 days. My doctor said to not be surprised if these boys want to come out at around 34 weeks. That’s at least a week and a half away!  Can you believe that? It feels so soon! I mean, I have been waiting a long time for these boys to finish baking and even more so to get pregnant at all! I know I deserve this chance to be a mom, but my life is going to change so fast so much so soon! It honestly scares me. I’m not sitting in some remote corner of my house, rocking back and forth mumbling incomplete thoughts repeatedly over it or anything, but the idea that within one month, my entire life and focus will be changed.

Of course, worries of will I be a good mom, will Jason enjoy his new role as a dad, will my dogs be good girls and welcome these boys into their lives with little to no complications, will these boys be healthy… I could go on. These worries are neverending. Normal worries, I’m sure, but neverending. I guess I have to get used to that too…list of the neverevending worries. It’s part of being a mom I suppose.

Now, this does not by any means that I want to follow in the steps of my own mother. She had her good days and bad days of being a mom, but I hope to stay to my own values and morals and only take in the things that I learned from my mother that I found helpful and disregard the ones that I didn’t feel taught me much at all. I want to feel like I learned to be a better mother than my mother was to me. The only thing that becomes a huge challenge is that she never raised twins. That part makes me nervous. I see how much of a challenge it is to raise one child at a time…I gotta raise two at once! I know I’m going to get some advice from family members, and some of that advice will be good and useful, but some of it I’ll have to filter out and be patient with those offering their help even if I don’t want to hear it. I’ve had plenty of practice with that already and so far I think I’ve done a good job taking in only what I want to use or consider. It just gets harder when the same person gives me the same advice over and over again. it feels pushy rather than just a friendly suggestion.

My mother will rarely but has at least twice now picked on my baby registry. Now, nothing she’s said is bad. She’s not saying I’ve picked out bad items or anything, but that these are deluxe items and it makes me look like a new mom. Now, I am a new mom and I want to get the best for my boys. You never really get the chance to have another first child (or in my case, two children) so you do want the best for him or her. I see nothing wrong with what I have for them. I’m sure some things I get may not be something that these boys care for, but every baby is that way. Sure, they may find the box the toy comes in to be more fascinating than the toy itself, but that doesn’t mean just give the boys a bunch of boxes for their birthdays. If we do have another child…IF…. then a lot of these items will be good for hand-me-downs. Some of them may be helpful to family members that also have children of their own and we have no more use for an item or so. We also can sell some of the used or not-so-used items online if it comes to that. Nothing wrong with making a little money after they run out of uses for the things they have.

Another concern I do have is the dogs. They need my attention. We think we’ve come up with a decent solution, and that is since the babies will be spending the night in their own room from day one, then night time, after the boys go to bed, will be dog attention time. Already, these dogs are used to less attention so they will be ready for the lack of it once these babies come home. That will help a great deal. Now, they also get to spend time with us when they go for a walk, when one of us is not with the babies, and when they are napping. Course, some of that attention they will be getting is napping with us and not play time. However, they are old dogs and napping has become more frequent anyhow so I’m not too worried about that. At no point will I deny then the right to be involved with our lives with these babies, but they will have to learn some manners when in the company of these babies. I have faith that Sparky will take on the role of a good big fur sister and not see these boys as intruders or attention hogs. I’m hoping to get to the point where she will see these babies’ roles as family members and mommy’s property which means she’s not to get her nose too close without permission and is not to harm these babies in any way. I will be watching her closely and encouraging her to play nice and be patient. She can do it, I’ve seen her do it. I KNOW she’s a sweetie that wants to be a good girl. I’m not too worried about Skye at this point. She’s got patience and a sweet disposition around people. I just hope that her need to protect Sparky from her own (Sparky’s) anxiety doesn’t make her too nervous being around these babies.

Meanwhile, I’m looking forward to the baby shower that’s coming up on Friday. I already have an idea of what to expect, but for the most part, it’s still a surprise to me. I don’t know what is ordered for lunch other than where the food is coming from. I don’t know what games are planned other than there will be games, and I don’t know how things will look other than that we have decorations to put up. The house has already been cleaned so that helps a lot with some of the anxiety of having guests over. I’ll probably have to keep the dogs in the laundry room since we will have a baby and a young boy there that may make her nervous. So far, I’m still in good shape. I’m walking without crutches, I’m not going in to labor, and I have a decent amount of energy still left in me that I can enjoy the company and party without having to take breaks. I’m not on bedrest like I was worried I would be. Carrying around a couple of large babies this far in the pregnancy game is no easy task, but I’ve been playing the game well, and I am still up for the task of carrying them around on my own two feet with little to no assistance….not that Jason hasn’t helped me through a lot of this. He’s been so good to me. He seems to enjoy helping out when he can, though I can tell some of this has been hard on him and makes him feel overwhelmed. He’s been amazing though. I give him so much credit for doing the best he can to take me places that he normally doesn’t go with me to, helping me around the house when I’m unable to walk or do certain things, and has been great with fixing up the place to make it ready for guests and of course the arrival of the babies. I couldn’t ask for a better man!

Well, I think I’ve worn down these computer keys enough with this long post. I’ll continue on after I know more from my doctor appointment on Thursday and my nest ultrasound on Tuesday.  I jsut ahve a feeling things are about to change soon.

With the lack of kicking from Cameron, it’s got me wondering if he turned. I’ve been asking him to, but I never did get an answer until now. I’m hoping that’s all it is. Now that he’s not kicking in the normal area, his kicks are not very strong. He’s gotten stronger, yes, but I stikll got plenty of fluff and muscle to kick through in all other areas. I’ll probably listen with my Doppler. Mainly because I get good kick reactions from Cameron. Last time, he gave me a big boot to the pelvic that made me jump. I’m sure he hates the Doppler, but I miss that big boot he does.

I’m just so happy to be feeling both of them though. This is the one and only time you’ll ever hear me say I like getting beaten up. After they are out though, no kicking allowed! Feet belong on the floor or dangling off a chair, not flapping around in the air nor should feet be on someone else unless it’s their own foot.

Last night, just before I went to sleep, I felt a fluttering in the area where Baby B has settled. It felt like somethign was moving really quickly inside of me just in that area.  WHOA! Baby B! I never felt anything like that! I felt him move!!!! I announced it to Jason and was able to go to sleep feeling so happy. It’s all I wanted! I wanted to feel my babies move! I’m glad I felt one of them. I don’t suspect to feel much from Baby A for a little longer.

Well, I didn’t have to wait long! The next morning, after I had gotten up to pee several times already that morning, I had to pee again. I got up as I did before, but this time I felt the same fluttering where Baby A had settled. Oh My Goodness! Movements from Baby A! I had had Baby A using my bladder as a trampoline before, but I didn’t actually ‘feel’ movement! Now I felt complete. I know they both are movers and it’s such a comforting feeling feeling them move.

Later on, Jason and I went to Red Lobster for lunch/dinner. I sat down to get ready to select my meal when “bop!” There goes a little bump from inside from Baby A! OH WOW!!!!! I finally felt kicking! …from Baby A, nonetheless. I’ve felt Baby B head-butt my hand before, but in that case, I didn’t feel him move from the inside. I was just in the right place at the right time. Now I can actually feel them moving inside kicking or not.

I am SOOO happy I felt a kick! I can’t wait to feel it again. I may not for the next few days, or I might feel it every day. Heck! I have twins, I will most likely feel something more often than with a singleton pregnancy. Next little milestone is having them kick more often so that I and my hubby can really feel them by hand.

I looked back at her after staring at her little baby. I could have sworn she had tears in her eyes. All I could say was, “thank you.” She smiled back and straightened up. As I continued on to school, she walked the other way silently. It was like one of those moments that you just can’t say anything. I was still surprised at my obvious misconception. I then realized that was the first time I actually saw a real baby!  That must have made her day. The look on that woman’s face stayed with me forever. That pride, that moment when she got to show off her precioius package to a strange, curious, little girl.

I never actually told my mother what happened. I told her I saw a baby, but I just didn’t get in to the details of how it took place. I felt it was a special moment that I wanted to keep to myself.

I just can’t wait for my February 14th ultrasound appointment. That’s the big appointment where they look over the anatomy of each baby and even determine the gender if the babies cooperate. I hope they do. I really want to know!  It amazes me how much I’m showing. I’m so proud of my belly too. I never thought I’d actually feel proud of how big it is! I’m a bit overweight to begin with so looking at my belly sticking out usually makes me feel fat and not so good about it. But, not I just stare at it in the mirror and smile. I know they are in there. I know why it’s getting bigger. I even hold my belly sometimes and think good thoughts to encourage the babies’ growth and health.  I’ll even talk to them. I know they can’t hear me know, but I can’t help it. I just love them!

The only thing now I’m wondering is..how are the dogs going to react when they see they have a new human family to watch over. Funny thing is, I do feel Sparky will not feel as threatened with her human parents’ children as she does with other people’s children. I feel confident that Skye will also adapt well. But, I can’t help but wonder. No matter what, I’ll make it work!

Well, finally I settled down and she asked me to lay down on the table and loosen my pants. I never had an external ultrasound before so this was a whole new experience for me. She asked me about my MS and how they found out. I decided to tell her from when I first started having my experiences from 2000 up to 2003.

As I was talking away, she went ahead and started to look for the babies. My husband jumped up from his seat and stood next to me. When I felt his arm next to me (I wasn’t paying attention since I was trying to remember how they found out about my MS). At that moment I realized Jason was standing there, the doctor said, “Hey look! He’s doing the mambo!” I turned around and BOOM there was the sweetest site I had ever seen! A baby with two legs, two arms and a head on a body. I never saw more than a blob with a heartbeat! There he was doing some sort of gopher dance while shaking his hips back and forth (I only say him because it just came out that way, I have no clue if it’s a girl or boy). Well, next the doctor looked at the next baby who was directly next to Baby A (the gopher dancing mambo king/queen). This one was not moving too much. I asked the doctor why that is, she said there’s a definite heartbeat and she saw some movement. We think Baby B was sleeping, as they do that from time to time.

I just couldn’t believe my eyes. I felt like I was looking at one of those TV shows on the Discovery Health Channel. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I was looking at my babies. The ones I’ve been wishing for for the past 2 1/2 years! The ones we’ve been trying to have since we first tried to start a family. I know I’m not out of the woods yet. I generally won’t be the entire pregnancy, but I am so relieved just to get to this point. Those are my babies. I am going to be a mom and my husband is going to be a dad. Twins are a lot of work, but all this was so worth the chance to have them. All I can do now, is take care of myself, take care of these babies, and hope for the best.

I have a AFP (Maternal – Alphafetopotein) test next week. I’ll get another ultrasound and a blood test to check for any abnormalities. If anythign shows up abnormal, I’ll probably need to get an amniocentesis where they pull out some of the amniotic fluid from both baby sacs and check for Down’s syndrome and anything else they can find through this means. There’s a small chance of miscarriage so I’m not certain how I feel about it.But the good thing would be, we can find out the sexes a little earlier than the next scheduled ultrasound. The next scheduled ultrasound after the AFP test, is February 14. That one is to check anatomy and gender. There, the sonographer will check all parts, bones, internal organs, and external organs, measure the babies, and make adjustments to the due date if necessary. It’ll be an exciting time! Either way, I am just happy to be where I am. I am looking forward to completing the baby registry and actually being able to plan out the babies’ room.

I am at about 7 wks 5 days at this point. Baby A is measuring at 7 weeks 5 days with a heart rate of 156. Baby B is measuring at 7 weeks 4 days with a heart rate of 150. This is the furthest I’ve ever been! Not to mention the first time I’ve ever had a pregnancy show the fetus at the same age as my actual pregnancy date. So far I’m due July 20. I am also dropped from the office I was at. I was a little disappointed about that. I really liked it there, but they are not an OB/GYN office. They are a reproductive endocrinology office and do not monitor pregnancies….just make them happen!

Well, I am really hoping this is it for me and Jason. We don’t have to go through any more disappointments with my pregnancies. I did tell family and a few friends. I couldn’t help it! I’m excited. My husband is excited as well and will be telling his family. We are just shocked and overwhelmed by the news ourselves.

Now, here’s the big decision to make. I want to finish my externship. I want to graduate and get my certification test out of the way. But, assuming everything still goes well, do I look for a job? Already I’m told I’m high risk, but how high risk I don’t know. I may be asked not to work early on in my pregnancy simply due to the fact I’m having twins. The new place also wants to watch me because of my multiple sclerosis and how that will react to my having twins and visa versa. So, do I take off from looking for work until after I have the babies and go through my own personal maternity leave? Or, do I look and hopefully get a job and risk being told to stop going to work before I’m due? I can always audit a class or two or more from school for free if I take off that much time before looking for a job. But, I won’t be doing anything for so long! I could use the time off, but I haven’t had any work for so long, it would be nice to get back into work responsibilities. There’s the dilemma that I’m facing. I have some time to think about it, so I’m not going to stress over it at this point, but it will be a concern pretty soon.

YAY! I’m having TWINS!

Mother’s day is hard only because I’d have a baby by now had I not miscarried so many times. It’s also hard because my MIL had passed away, and I think she’d have enjoyed being a part of my husband’s journey to having a family with me.

Back to my meds. I’m a pin cushion and the pricking isn’t going to stop yet. I’m now on Lupron and on Follistim. The Lupron, I think, just kind of prepares you for the Follistim. The follistim is what tells your ovaries to make multiple, mature follicles (follicles grow an egg inside each one). One thing that does happen with the Follistim, is your ovaries bloat a bit because of the multiple eggs being produced in there. A side effect from that is bloat and soreness. So far, I’m lucky enough to just feel sore with a little bloat. Some people have pain and weight gain. I’ve only been on Follistim since Saturday, so it’s still early in the treatment and I could end up one of the people in pain. The nurse practitioner told me to drink tons of water. Oh great, I’ll be spending most of my time in the bathroom peeing away instead of learning. Oh well, I can read and that’s what the teacher does… read from the book. I have a final on Wednesday so I hope I’m able to study ok.

After the follistim has done what it’s supposed to do, I’ll be injecting ovidrel soon that forces an ovulation of the multiple eggs. At that point, the doctor will be retrieving what eggs I have made and fertilizing them that day in a petri dish. He will be putting two of them back about 3 days later and progesterone injections will start up and will continue to the tenth week of my pregnancy…assuming, of course, that I get pregnant from this. Otherwise, the progesterone will stop when the results are in.

I’m seeing my IVF nurse practitioner on Wednesday to find out how many follicles I’m making. I hope it’s a good number. For someone who had no problem making eggies on her own, I’d be surprised if I don’t have a lot in there. I just hope it’s not too over crowded in there. I understand if you make a lot of eggs, you tend to feel more pain. I just don’t want this to interfere too badly with school, but family comes first. If I have to take off from school, then I will, but I shouldn’t be feeling the pain after they retrieve the eggs anyhow and that’s in about a week or so.

Already I know that this is not going to be the most comfortable feeling for me. Please, oh please, let this week go by without much of a problem. I just want to do well on my tests and get through to next term!