I’m at 32 weeks and 3 days. My doctor said to not be surprised if these boys want to come out at around 34 weeks. That’s at least a week and a half away!  Can you believe that? It feels so soon! I mean, I have been waiting a long time for these boys to finish baking and even more so to get pregnant at all! I know I deserve this chance to be a mom, but my life is going to change so fast so much so soon! It honestly scares me. I’m not sitting in some remote corner of my house, rocking back and forth mumbling incomplete thoughts repeatedly over it or anything, but the idea that within one month, my entire life and focus will be changed.

Of course, worries of will I be a good mom, will Jason enjoy his new role as a dad, will my dogs be good girls and welcome these boys into their lives with little to no complications, will these boys be healthy… I could go on. These worries are neverending. Normal worries, I’m sure, but neverending. I guess I have to get used to that too…list of the neverevending worries. It’s part of being a mom I suppose.

Now, this does not by any means that I want to follow in the steps of my own mother. She had her good days and bad days of being a mom, but I hope to stay to my own values and morals and only take in the things that I learned from my mother that I found helpful and disregard the ones that I didn’t feel taught me much at all. I want to feel like I learned to be a better mother than my mother was to me. The only thing that becomes a huge challenge is that she never raised twins. That part makes me nervous. I see how much of a challenge it is to raise one child at a time…I gotta raise two at once! I know I’m going to get some advice from family members, and some of that advice will be good and useful, but some of it I’ll have to filter out and be patient with those offering their help even if I don’t want to hear it. I’ve had plenty of practice with that already and so far I think I’ve done a good job taking in only what I want to use or consider. It just gets harder when the same person gives me the same advice over and over again. it feels pushy rather than just a friendly suggestion.

My mother will rarely but has at least twice now picked on my baby registry. Now, nothing she’s said is bad. She’s not saying I’ve picked out bad items or anything, but that these are deluxe items and it makes me look like a new mom. Now, I am a new mom and I want to get the best for my boys. You never really get the chance to have another first child (or in my case, two children) so you do want the best for him or her. I see nothing wrong with what I have for them. I’m sure some things I get may not be something that these boys care for, but every baby is that way. Sure, they may find the box the toy comes in to be more fascinating than the toy itself, but that doesn’t mean just give the boys a bunch of boxes for their birthdays. If we do have another child…IF…. then a lot of these items will be good for hand-me-downs. Some of them may be helpful to family members that also have children of their own and we have no more use for an item or so. We also can sell some of the used or not-so-used items online if it comes to that. Nothing wrong with making a little money after they run out of uses for the things they have.

Another concern I do have is the dogs. They need my attention. We think we’ve come up with a decent solution, and that is since the babies will be spending the night in their own room from day one, then night time, after the boys go to bed, will be dog attention time. Already, these dogs are used to less attention so they will be ready for the lack of it once these babies come home. That will help a great deal. Now, they also get to spend time with us when they go for a walk, when one of us is not with the babies, and when they are napping. Course, some of that attention they will be getting is napping with us and not play time. However, they are old dogs and napping has become more frequent anyhow so I’m not too worried about that. At no point will I deny then the right to be involved with our lives with these babies, but they will have to learn some manners when in the company of these babies. I have faith that Sparky will take on the role of a good big fur sister and not see these boys as intruders or attention hogs. I’m hoping to get to the point where she will see these babies’ roles as family members and mommy’s property which means she’s not to get her nose too close without permission and is not to harm these babies in any way. I will be watching her closely and encouraging her to play nice and be patient. She can do it, I’ve seen her do it. I KNOW she’s a sweetie that wants to be a good girl. I’m not too worried about Skye at this point. She’s got patience and a sweet disposition around people. I just hope that her need to protect Sparky from her own (Sparky’s) anxiety doesn’t make her too nervous being around these babies.

Meanwhile, I’m looking forward to the baby shower that’s coming up on Friday. I already have an idea of what to expect, but for the most part, it’s still a surprise to me. I don’t know what is ordered for lunch other than where the food is coming from. I don’t know what games are planned other than there will be games, and I don’t know how things will look other than that we have decorations to put up. The house has already been cleaned so that helps a lot with some of the anxiety of having guests over. I’ll probably have to keep the dogs in the laundry room since we will have a baby and a young boy there that may make her nervous. So far, I’m still in good shape. I’m walking without crutches, I’m not going in to labor, and I have a decent amount of energy still left in me that I can enjoy the company and party without having to take breaks. I’m not on bedrest like I was worried I would be. Carrying around a couple of large babies this far in the pregnancy game is no easy task, but I’ve been playing the game well, and I am still up for the task of carrying them around on my own two feet with little to no assistance….not that Jason hasn’t helped me through a lot of this. He’s been so good to me. He seems to enjoy helping out when he can, though I can tell some of this has been hard on him and makes him feel overwhelmed. He’s been amazing though. I give him so much credit for doing the best he can to take me places that he normally doesn’t go with me to, helping me around the house when I’m unable to walk or do certain things, and has been great with fixing up the place to make it ready for guests and of course the arrival of the babies. I couldn’t ask for a better man!

Well, I think I’ve worn down these computer keys enough with this long post. I’ll continue on after I know more from my doctor appointment on Thursday and my nest ultrasound on Tuesday.  I jsut ahve a feeling things are about to change soon.

Let’s start with the car ride to the airport. We had to drop off the dogs first. We were really pushing the time, but it had to be done. On my way there, I tried to park the car but my seat belt locked! I couldn’t see where the lines were so like an idiot, I played tug-o-war with the seat belt and won! Unfortunately, the prize I got was a big toss into the steering wheel. The wheel hit me in Kiefer territory. I had been feeling him move only recently before that. I was a jiffy pop pan the night before between the two of them so I was starting to feel secure that Kiefer is doing well. That changed! Though the steering wheel incident wasn’t too strong, I felt sore there and nothing from Kiefer. I did eventually feel Cameron kick a bit so I was at least happy to feel that he’s ok, but what about Kiefer! I couldn’t stand the idea that I may have hurt him in any way! We decided to go to the airport since nothing seemed to have happened during that accident. I decided to at least get a wheel chair because I didn’t want to overwhelm my body after what happened. On the plane ride, however, I started to feel contractions. Not very strong, but contractions nonetheless about 5 or so minutes apart! OH NO! Please Kiefer! Be ok! Cameron was still kicking though. I had tried to use the bathroom, I wasn’t bleeding at least. I was so happy I got a wheel chair at JFK airport. The ride to the baggage claim was a long, long ride. I was not contracting much by that time at least. We were greeted by hubby’s aunt at the baggage claim. We didn’t have any bags to claim since we packed light, but it was easiest to meet her there. Well all just went home and took it easy for the rest of the day. I needed to rest and try to relax from that morning’s ordeal. I still felt nothing from Kiefer. I’m still worried!

Friday morning, hubby’s aunt and uncle took us to see hubby’s parents’ cemetery. His uncle’s child who had an unfortunate accident also was buried there so we got to see him too. It was nice. It was after some rain so there was soft dirt around there. I got to introduce the two unborn kids to their grandparents….though I never did mention their names. I felt bad about that. I just didn’t think about it! After we said our greetings and hubby’s aunt and uncle planting the flowers for hubby’s parents, we drove off to find my grandparents’ cemetery. That was a bit of a drive, but it was really nice to see my grandparents’ house again. We took pictures in front of it. I of course had to pee so we had to cut that short. We then went to find the cemetery. It had definitely been a long time since I last went there, but we found the sites fairly easily. I introduced their unborn great grandkids to then, plus I remembered to say their names this time), and we placed the flowers hubby’s uncle got for them on the grave stones and took some pictures to give to my mother once they are developed. My mother was nearly in tears when I told her what we were going to do that day. I am happy I did go. I normally don’t because I just feel uncomfortable, but I’m glad I came around and said my hellos. They are my grandparents after all! I even told them the story of when I came to visit once and I felt my grandfather’s presence there. It was both hair raising and comforting to know he’s there watching with me. I can’t say I didn’t feel some presence there when I visited this time, but I think my grandfather was just waiting for my grandmother before moving on. I just felt a certain amount of peace by both of their graves this visit.

The friend I saw on Friday night showed me her house that’s still under construction. It’s coming a long really nicely. I just can’t believe she and her family are still sane after living in the small trailer just outside the house. We went to dinner where we had a good long talk about whatever. We paid for her and her hubby’s dinner since it was so close to both their birthdays. She and her hubby gave me a really nice picture frame with animal pairs (Noah’s Arc theme), and they engraved the bottom with our boys’ names and the year they will be born in. We just can’t pin point a month yet, so it was smart she didn’t try to guess that part. She really wants to come visit us this year. She was just about insisting on it. I don’t mind, but I just won’t be able to deal with a long visit. She doesn’t seem to mind the shorter visit this time. Mainly I explained we won’t be going anywhere. These babies won’t be able to be brought to too many places. Walks, yes, but no restaurants, going out to movies, visiting places….it’s all going to be in our house. She still thinks she’d like to come visit. She loves babies. I don’t mind it for some reason. Maybe because I won’t be able to get out much and it would be nice to see someone from the outside world during the start of this new baby journey.

**Note: Still no kicks from Kiefer, only Cameron…getting more worried.

I saw another friend on Saturday during a time I’m sure she’d have preferred later. She’s not a morning person, but I was going to see my father later that night and there was no way in hell I was going to cancel or move him. He just doesn’t have that flexibility to just come in from an hour away whenever I want. I was also looking forward to having dinner with him. I got some grief on my friend finding a place to park or more so that after she found us and left to find a parking spot, some opened up and I didn’t call her back. As parking goes, once a spot opens up, there is another car taking the spot. Besides I had to pee REALLY bad. I can’t help that I needed to get inside the building so quickly…I’m peeing for three! Well, once we found each other, things got better. Bad idea to go to the mall, though. No one was thinking that it would be that crowded! It was before Easter, however. I was getting phobic or something and cranky which didn’t help. My back was hurting and I was cramping a bit. It was nice seeing my friend even though I’m sure I wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around at that time. I’m just so sorry for the mood I was in. I wish there was something else we could have done, but I didn’t want to hang out at her house nor my hubby’s Aunt’s/Uncle’s house. Nothing really to do in either place and I wanted to get out. Well, maybe next time we’ll figure out a better choice. I’ll have babies by that time so we may have some different idea of things to do. Unfortunately, it won’t be for a while that I even go anywhere!

Saturday night was nice. I saw my father. He was looking tired, but traveling from Africa and London are not exactly around the corner. I don’t doubt that he was still suffering from a bit of jet lag! It sounded like he had a lot of fun biking and taking pictures. I think he mentioned playing a little golf along the way. Not a surprise at all! We had a great dinner! We all had veal. He had piccata and both my hubby and I had Parmesan. We all shared some calamari while my dad also enjoyed some clams. After dinner, we all went to visit my hubby’s aunt and uncle. It was a nice talk. I know my father enjoys seeing them. They shared some dessert and some brandy, shared some adventures and knowledge on cars and stuff. Then my dad went home. He was a bit buzzed form the brandy so of course I’m all worried for him. He got home ok.

**Note: Nothing at first from Kiefer, but when my hubby placed his hands over Kiefer territory, I thought I felt him tumble around. Still nothing beyond that and Cameron was not kicking as much as usual either….still worried, but slight relief.

Sunday was Easter and was expected to be somewhat busy. Well, it turned out one of our invited guests had her baby the night before. She was expected to pop at any time. Well, her baby girl was born Easter morning via c-section. The father is my hubby’s cousin. I was sorry I didn’t get to see them, but I’m very happy for their new addition. What a nice Easter gift! So, the guest list pretty much was me, my hubby, Hubby’s grandmother, aunt, uncle, sister and her partner. The dinner was big as usual. Aunty loves to make her food! Actually hubby’s grandmother pitched in the chicken cutlets which she rules at! The rest of the dinner was wonderful! A cake was served to us for our birthdays. I was actually quite a bit surprised! I was not expecting a birthday cake since neither of our birthdays had arrived yet. They are in May! There was whipped cream, which I learned the new kitty term is whippy cream (hubby’s sister’s cat loves whipped cream and she came up with the nickname whippy cream when talking to her kitty), which actually made the ice cream birthday cake easier to eat for me not to mention it tasted good! Just before chowing down on the cake and other desserts, my hubby made the announcement that we have two boys. A funny story behind that was just before dinner, hubby’s sister asked anyone willing to play to guess the genders. She and her partner guessed a boy and girl, hubby’s grandmother guessed two boys, and apparently hubby’s aunt asked the banana that I was having earlier that day if I was having a girl and boy. She thought I was having two boys originally, but changed her mind. Well, hubby’s grandmother was the winner. She was on a lucky streak because she just won at bingo and some sort of raffle earlier the week before. Well, everyone was very happy and even liked the names! There was something about each name that meant somethign to them. I was so happy to hear that! I love our boys’ names! I wanted to share that pride with family. I know my mother was not entirely pleased with the name Cameron, but she too realized that she’ll get used to it. She doesn’t dislike it, but she normally likes to give names that are definitely male or female. Cameron is unisex (though associated with male), she was thinking about Cameron Diaz. I won’t change it. Everyone seems pleased with the name Kiefer though. It definitely was a good dinner. It was one of those moments that I’ll remember for a long time.

later that night, I was lying on my hubby’s lap and he put his hands on my belly with hopes of feeling something, and to comfort me since I was still nervous. A little time went by when POW! A good strong kick/punch from Kiefer (assuming it was him since it was his normal place to sit) enough that my hubby felt his kick and so did I! Then he felt two more beyond that. Though it’s possible Kiefer wanted more space, I just had a feeling he simply wanted his daddy’s touch. My hubby wasn’t pushing down and nor is his hand heavy, so it may have just been the warmth of his hand that got Kiefer’s attention. I was now also feeling a lot more kicks from Cameron in Cameron territory as well. I felt like the luckiest woman alive! That night, it was back to jiffy popping! I was exhausted from all that worrying, but I was loving each of those kicks. I still was looking forward to hearing them later than night after getting home.

The trip home was easy. I got a wheel chair ride to the terminal. It was a bit of a wait since we got there so early, but it was ok, nothing bad. My hubby had a bit of a headache so that was kind of a bummer. I felt awful for him. The plane ride went smoothly though. No contractions, and there was no turbulence like last time. Once home, we sat down and relaxed for a bit. Then it was time to listen in to the boys! I had a bit of a challenge form my hubby though. He wanted to make sure I heard both heart beats and it had to be one right after the other to make sure they aren’t moving around and I was listening to the same baby both times. I placed the Doppler to the right and slightly above my naval as usual to hear Kiefer. POW! I felt a huge kick at my cervix. WHAT?! Did Kiefer change positions? Had I been feeling him all along and not Cameron?! Oh No! I found his heartbeat though and it was going strong. PHEW! What a relief! I then went on my search for Cameron. I had a heck of a time finding his. He was moving around I assume since I’d hear somethign then nothing. Finally I caught a bit of his heat beat. Enough to get a reading. He was still down below under my naval as usual. Kiefer’s heart rate range was between 145 and 158. Cameron’s heart rate range was between 136 and 147. Good strong heart beats! I am so happy! I still don’t feel Kiefer as often, but I do feel him occasionally. All is well from my perspective! I can’t wait for my ultrasound coming up this next Tuesday!

Well, finally I settled down and she asked me to lay down on the table and loosen my pants. I never had an external ultrasound before so this was a whole new experience for me. She asked me about my MS and how they found out. I decided to tell her from when I first started having my experiences from 2000 up to 2003.

As I was talking away, she went ahead and started to look for the babies. My husband jumped up from his seat and stood next to me. When I felt his arm next to me (I wasn’t paying attention since I was trying to remember how they found out about my MS). At that moment I realized Jason was standing there, the doctor said, “Hey look! He’s doing the mambo!” I turned around and BOOM there was the sweetest site I had ever seen! A baby with two legs, two arms and a head on a body. I never saw more than a blob with a heartbeat! There he was doing some sort of gopher dance while shaking his hips back and forth (I only say him because it just came out that way, I have no clue if it’s a girl or boy). Well, next the doctor looked at the next baby who was directly next to Baby A (the gopher dancing mambo king/queen). This one was not moving too much. I asked the doctor why that is, she said there’s a definite heartbeat and she saw some movement. We think Baby B was sleeping, as they do that from time to time.

I just couldn’t believe my eyes. I felt like I was looking at one of those TV shows on the Discovery Health Channel. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I was looking at my babies. The ones I’ve been wishing for for the past 2 1/2 years! The ones we’ve been trying to have since we first tried to start a family. I know I’m not out of the woods yet. I generally won’t be the entire pregnancy, but I am so relieved just to get to this point. Those are my babies. I am going to be a mom and my husband is going to be a dad. Twins are a lot of work, but all this was so worth the chance to have them. All I can do now, is take care of myself, take care of these babies, and hope for the best.

I have a AFP (Maternal – Alphafetopotein) test next week. I’ll get another ultrasound and a blood test to check for any abnormalities. If anythign shows up abnormal, I’ll probably need to get an amniocentesis where they pull out some of the amniotic fluid from both baby sacs and check for Down’s syndrome and anything else they can find through this means. There’s a small chance of miscarriage so I’m not certain how I feel about it.But the good thing would be, we can find out the sexes a little earlier than the next scheduled ultrasound. The next scheduled ultrasound after the AFP test, is February 14. That one is to check anatomy and gender. There, the sonographer will check all parts, bones, internal organs, and external organs, measure the babies, and make adjustments to the due date if necessary. It’ll be an exciting time! Either way, I am just happy to be where I am. I am looking forward to completing the baby registry and actually being able to plan out the babies’ room.