Bad News

This is getting old. My IVF didn’t work. A little over 2 weeks ago I went in for my first ultrasound scan at 7 wks 2 dys with high hopes. I didn’t have any bleeding or cramps. I felt high as a kite. I just knew everything was going as planned.

I get to the doctor’s office and get myself ready for the ultrasound machine wand to be inserted. The doctor had to push in pretty far to see anything. I just figured it’s high up. Well, we saw the gestational sac and something inside. She looked closer and found a circle sitting near the edge of the black area (gestational sac). That was all she could see. No fetal pole, no signs of life, no movement, no heartbeat. Just an empty yolk sac.

That was one of the most disappointing moments of my life. I can’t believe I cried as hard as I did on the doctor’s shoulder. That was embarrassing, since I’m usually pretty good at holding in the tears until I’m alone with Jason. I felt so sure I’d at least get to this point since int the past I’ve gotten at least a heart beat the first ultrasound scan. The egg they put in was in good health and this just shouldn’t have happened. Well, the doctor wanted to give it an extra week and made an appointment for the following Friday. I’d be 8 wks 4 dys then. She wanted to see if there was any growth at all. Maybe it was just slow even though it was only measuring at about 5-6 weeks old.

The following Friday, I wasn’t going to hold my breath, but even then, I had some hope things would change. No change on this one either. I decided to go for the D&C. I just need closure. I talked to a person online and she thought I should just wait it out and see if there’s any change. I’m just not one to obsess when things seem obvious that they aren’t going to change. I dont’ want to be walking around waiting for nothing and not being able to move on with my life. I have the D&C set for tomorrow morning. Ugh! I gotta be at the doctor’s office at 8:30am for a 9:30am surgery. Poor Jason has to sit in a small private room and wait for me. The surgery is only about 15 minutes, but I need to take an hour to relax and sleep off the anesthesia they give me. The last time I remembered the entire D&C process and fell asleep as they took me into the recovery room. It was painless, so I’m hoping it’s the same again. I won’t have the same doctor. I would like to have my regular RE do the work, but it’s ok. I trust the one they are giving me.

I guess I’ll just have to take this weekend off from anything too active. We both think we’ll try this again. It’s worth another shot. The RE said he’d suggest upping the dose to try to make more eggs this time. More eggs made, better chance more will be able to be used. I just hope it’s better news this time around!

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