The other morning, I woke up to a very strange dream. It was one of those analyze me dreams that stick around until I figure it out. Beyond that, it usually just becomes a memory.
It started out with me about to go to a construction site out on Long Island (I was in New York City at the time) some time during the evening. I was met by the man who plays the Reaper on the funny new TV show I watch “Reaper”. He told me I had to use a bike and I can’t use the Grand Central Pkwy, which is the road I usually chose when traveling between places. Well It was starting to get a little stormy so I knew I had to get there quickly. I got on the bike and started making my way through a direction I didn’t like. I’m not sure it was through the Long Island Expressway or not since the views I saw were not always continuous. It was get rainy and windy. I went over a bridge, but since that was high, and I was afraid of heights, that was a huge challenge. I had to go down these steep stairs. While on a bike on slippery stone steps, that was scary and I did fall off at the bottom. I got back on and continued to drive through traffic in increasingly stormy weather.
I get to the construction site, and there are already people there working. It was definitely on it’s way to being built since some of the supporting beams were up, but not all of them. The house was being built near some water which was fairly rough at that time due to the storm, but none of that mattered to me. They all say their hellos and we joined together to continue the project. I was feeling so happy, almost elated, at that moment with these people I didn’t recognize. They all became such close people, like family. I felt so comfortable with them and trusted them with my life. The wind and the rain didn’t let up much, and it was time for me to head back. I was on the newly floored second floor with one of the young men working there. He was in his young to mid-twenties, blond, with a very friendly smile. He and I apparently was very close. I felt like I couldn’t wait to see him again and was going to miss him until then. I told him I had to go and he started singing a funny little tune about leaving. He gave me a big hug and was just about to say goodbye when a huge wave washed over the house. No boards or anything got out of place, and no one was hurt. Actually, we all were laughing. This boy I was with fell over on top of me and we just giggled about it. We both got up and continued to say goodbye. He gave me a very nice kiss on the cheek, smiled, looked at my face as if to be trying to remember it, and I parted my way.
I got back on my bike and headed back to NYC. This time the storm had let up and I was able to ride my bike much easier. The roads were less busy, I was able to take the Grand Central Pkwy like I preferred, and I didn’t have to go up or down any wet stairs. The Tri-borough bridge was still a little scary, but since the wind wasn’t as strong, it wasn’t as difficult to get over. That was the end of the dream.
So what was this dream about? The one thing that kept coming to mind was it had to do with my pregnancy and it’s journey to where I am now. The scary, almost life-threatening bike ride to the construction was representing my long journey through my pregnancies and the losses I went through. It made sense since the journey to motherhood itself was scary and I think that was the biking at night. The Reaper was there to just push me to make the journey and face my fears. The positive results with the losses were the obstacles I went through…the six miscarriages I went through. But then here I am arriving at a construction site feeling elated and overwhelmed with joy despite the scary weather around me. That represents my current pregnancy. It’s going strong, but it’s not without it’s problems. It’s a twin pregnancy which makes it more of a high risk (hence the weather and the open second floor in the rain). But it’s going well, hence the happy feeling from all the people around me helping me build this house (my pregnancy, my womb). The wave that pushed us over, even though we all were happy, I think may be a reminder to not let my guard down. I still need to be careful and take care of myself. It may knock me over, but do not be afraid of these rough spots, my pregnancy will remain strong. As far as the boy I became close to. Was that a son of mine? I felt VERY close to him and he to me like he was really happy I was with him. I have brown hair as does my husband, but he had blond hair. However, I just may be representing innocence and that often comes with the fair look of blond hair and blue eyes. He did have blue eyes. There is a twin there, but I did not see anyone else there I felt this way to. I think I just happened to meet one of them, but I do not feel a loss. I do not feel like I needed to meet anyone else. I can’t be sure I saw my son there. Heck, I don’t even know if I’m having a son. So, who was this kind boy? That may keep my mind busy for a while, but I do know that on my way home, things felt more comforting. Normal stress with good feelings of what’s to come.
All in all, I think this was a good dream. I think it says a lot about me and what I have accomplished along with goals and obstacles I have and will be facing. I think I can face them now. I feel like I can accomplish more that may be coming my way. I am not afraid, and I am looking forward to meeting these twins and facing being a mother for the first time.