Concerns and Thoughts

Well, I don’t know if I should call it concerns, but these thoughts are on my mind and some of them have made me feel nervous, so concern is the best I can come up with.

I’m at 32 weeks and 3 days. My doctor said to not be surprised if these boys want to come out at around 34 weeks. That’s at least a week and a half away!  Can you believe that? It feels so soon! I mean, I have been waiting a long time for these boys to finish baking and even more so to get pregnant at all! I know I deserve this chance to be a mom, but my life is going to change so fast so much so soon! It honestly scares me. I’m not sitting in some remote corner of my house, rocking back and forth mumbling incomplete thoughts repeatedly over it or anything, but the idea that within one month, my entire life and focus will be changed.

Of course, worries of will I be a good mom, will Jason enjoy his new role as a dad, will my dogs be good girls and welcome these boys into their lives with little to no complications, will these boys be healthy… I could go on. These worries are neverending. Normal worries, I’m sure, but neverending. I guess I have to get used to that too…list of the neverevending worries. It’s part of being a mom I suppose.

Now, this does not by any means that I want to follow in the steps of my own mother. She had her good days and bad days of being a mom, but I hope to stay to my own values and morals and only take in the things that I learned from my mother that I found helpful and disregard the ones that I didn’t feel taught me much at all. I want to feel like I learned to be a better mother than my mother was to me. The only thing that becomes a huge challenge is that she never raised twins. That part makes me nervous. I see how much of a challenge it is to raise one child at a time…I gotta raise two at once! I know I’m going to get some advice from family members, and some of that advice will be good and useful, but some of it I’ll have to filter out and be patient with those offering their help even if I don’t want to hear it. I’ve had plenty of practice with that already and so far I think I’ve done a good job taking in only what I want to use or consider. It just gets harder when the same person gives me the same advice over and over again. it feels pushy rather than just a friendly suggestion.

My mother will rarely but has at least twice now picked on my baby registry. Now, nothing she’s said is bad. She’s not saying I’ve picked out bad items or anything, but that these are deluxe items and it makes me look like a new mom. Now, I am a new mom and I want to get the best for my boys. You never really get the chance to have another first child (or in my case, two children) so you do want the best for him or her. I see nothing wrong with what I have for them. I’m sure some things I get may not be something that these boys care for, but every baby is that way. Sure, they may find the box the toy comes in to be more fascinating than the toy itself, but that doesn’t mean just give the boys a bunch of boxes for their birthdays. If we do have another child…IF…. then a lot of these items will be good for hand-me-downs. Some of them may be helpful to family members that also have children of their own and we have no more use for an item or so. We also can sell some of the used or not-so-used items online if it comes to that. Nothing wrong with making a little money after they run out of uses for the things they have.

Another concern I do have is the dogs. They need my attention. We think we’ve come up with a decent solution, and that is since the babies will be spending the night in their own room from day one, then night time, after the boys go to bed, will be dog attention time. Already, these dogs are used to less attention so they will be ready for the lack of it once these babies come home. That will help a great deal. Now, they also get to spend time with us when they go for a walk, when one of us is not with the babies, and when they are napping. Course, some of that attention they will be getting is napping with us and not play time. However, they are old dogs and napping has become more frequent anyhow so I’m not too worried about that. At no point will I deny then the right to be involved with our lives with these babies, but they will have to learn some manners when in the company of these babies. I have faith that Sparky will take on the role of a good big fur sister and not see these boys as intruders or attention hogs. I’m hoping to get to the point where she will see these babies’ roles as family members and mommy’s property which means she’s not to get her nose too close without permission and is not to harm these babies in any way. I will be watching her closely and encouraging her to play nice and be patient. She can do it, I’ve seen her do it. I KNOW she’s a sweetie that wants to be a good girl. I’m not too worried about Skye at this point. She’s got patience and a sweet disposition around people. I just hope that her need to protect Sparky from her own (Sparky’s) anxiety doesn’t make her too nervous being around these babies.

Meanwhile, I’m looking forward to the baby shower that’s coming up on Friday. I already have an idea of what to expect, but for the most part, it’s still a surprise to me. I don’t know what is ordered for lunch other than where the food is coming from. I don’t know what games are planned other than there will be games, and I don’t know how things will look other than that we have decorations to put up. The house has already been cleaned so that helps a lot with some of the anxiety of having guests over. I’ll probably have to keep the dogs in the laundry room since we will have a baby and a young boy there that may make her nervous. So far, I’m still in good shape. I’m walking without crutches, I’m not going in to labor, and I have a decent amount of energy still left in me that I can enjoy the company and party without having to take breaks. I’m not on bedrest like I was worried I would be. Carrying around a couple of large babies this far in the pregnancy game is no easy task, but I’ve been playing the game well, and I am still up for the task of carrying them around on my own two feet with little to no assistance….not that Jason hasn’t helped me through a lot of this. He’s been so good to me. He seems to enjoy helping out when he can, though I can tell some of this has been hard on him and makes him feel overwhelmed. He’s been amazing though. I give him so much credit for doing the best he can to take me places that he normally doesn’t go with me to, helping me around the house when I’m unable to walk or do certain things, and has been great with fixing up the place to make it ready for guests and of course the arrival of the babies. I couldn’t ask for a better man!

Well, I think I’ve worn down these computer keys enough with this long post. I’ll continue on after I know more from my doctor appointment on Thursday and my nest ultrasound on Tuesday.  I jsut ahve a feeling things are about to change soon.

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