A Part of Me

This dream was fairly short, but I remembered it when I woke up. When I remember my dreams, it means there’s a message to be figured out. This dream seemed to be just pointing out a part of who I am as if it just wanted to be remembered. I must figure out the message or the dream will repeat itself until I do.

Dream: I was in a gym near a pool surrounded by friends. None of the faces were familiar in real life, but in the dream, I knew everyone. There was one boy, we’ll call him Richard, who stood out. He was friendly, charming, happy, full of life. People enjoyed his presence. He wasn’t necessarily the “leader” of this group, but he stood out as one of the more outgoing members of the crowd. He was about 5’8″ with sandy blonde to light brown hair and a healthy, peachy-pink skin. His hair was longish with a nice medium curl at the end. His face was slightly on the round side with large cheek bones, blueish eyes, and well cared for teeth in a very kind smile. He was a non-judgey, friends-with-everyone type of guy. He and I seemed to have a close connection. Not girlfriend-boyfriend type of connection, but a long-term friends kind of connection.

We all wandered into the pool area and sat down at the edge of the pool. I was sitting next to another boy, we’ll call him Alex. This boy was about the same height as Richard with dark brown hair, warm brown eyes, and pale olive skin. He too had healthy looking teeth and a sweet smile. His head was more oval shaped with more narrow cheek bones. Alex was more quiet and laid back…almost a shyness about him. He would smile and laugh with everyone, but he was quite happy just sitting there not saying anything. Alex was definitely not the type to get up and joke around or be the first to lead people into some sort of fun frenzy or high energy activity. He’d rather go with the flow or sit and watch. He too seemed to have a long-term, close connection with me. I felt very much at ease sitting next to him. Like this was my comfort zone.

At one point, Alex got up and walked out of the room. I stay for a bit watching Richard talk and laugh with our friends, making jokes and just having a blast. But, I decided to get up and look for Alex. I couldn’t find him, but the whistle blew to let everyone know they can enter the pool. I realized at that moment that I had forgotten my bathing suit. Feeling a little bummed I couldn’t join in the fun, I decided to just watch my friends in the pool. I was OK with this. I enjoy watching my friends have fun. Richard, of course kept trying to make the biggest splash with his cannonballs and general splashing about. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves doing the same or whatever they did to join in the fun. Most of the friends’ faces were not a focus in this dream, so no one was literally recognizable other than knowing these were my friends…except Richard and Alex.

The scene then changed after the pool. I am now in a full van with 4 rows of seats including the front seats. We are in Long Island in an area that kind of looked more city-like. Richard is driving, and I’m in the front passenger seat next to him. Alex is in the second row with a friend on one side and an empty seat on the other. The rest of the seats are filled with 3-4 friends in each row. We are all laughing, telling jokes, or just enjoying the ride. Alex, as usual, was joining in when he was part of the conversation, but just as happy not being spoken to and just relaxing. But, he seemed more tired than before. I’m still in the front enjoying my time with Richard who was telling me some story about something that happened to him some time ago. The story in my dream was not remembered, so it apparently was not important to the dream. It was just something he wanted to share with me. At one point, we turned the corner on to another road. Suddenly, the scenery changed. It was dark and apparently it had snowed a lot! The street was mostly plowed, but the tops of the cars had about a foot of snow on them, and it was still snowing a bit. Big, thick chunks of snow were falling with large flakes. It wasn’t really windy, but it was beautiful to see as I watched the snow fall on the window and admired the snow covered street and cars in front of us. Richard was laughing and smiling and just simply enjoying what he was driving through. He was a good driver as he weaved around the parked cars still barely able to see much beyond the darkness in front of him. Yes, I know, snow at night makes things look brighter, but in my dream, it was very dark with no lights (other than the car’s headlights) except to see the snow falling and whatever was on the ground in front of us.

As we finally got through the snowy street, I’m now sitting next to Alex, who is being quiet. He doesn’t look sad, but he is feeling quiet. Smiling as he talks to me and others, but not as energized as before.┬áRichard decided to pull the van to a stop to figure out where we are going next. Alex decided he wanted to go home and got out of the van at that point. Richard and the rest of the bunch stayed in the van ready for the next activity. I decided to leave with Alex. As we walked off together, The van just stays there. Eventually the van just kind of fades into the background. I didn’t notice, but it was more like it was just not around anymore. It could have driven off or just disappeared. It was no longer a focus in my dream. I stood there with Alex looking directly at each other. He and I felt very comfortable and at ease not having everyone around anymore in the van and are now on our own. We walked hand in hand away from where we were standing and that was the end of the dream.

Analysis: I realize that the two main people in this dream are familiar in some ways, but not. They felt familiar, but their faces are not. I don’t think that was really important to the dream other than something for me to focus my attention on as these were main characters. I realized as I thought about it, what do these boys represent to me? How are they similar and how are they not? The one thing that really stood out to me was their personalities. One was outgoing, while the other was much less so. They were both happy and friends with those around them, but one was not as outgoing as the other. Yet, they both seemed very comfortable to me in my presence and in each other’s. …like they were a part of me in my life. There was no attraction to these boys, yet I felt a certain pull towards the more quiet one, Alex. I felt a certain freedom with Richard, and I enjoyed every minute of being with him. However, I still looked for Alex even though Richard was exciting to be around.

Who am I in this? I saw this dream in a first person perspective until I walked away from the scenery at the end of the dream with Alex hand-in-hand. These boys represented me. Richard is my outgoing side. That side of me is not to be ignored, but to be enjoyed and encouraged! …but, not all the time. I will always be that introverted person who needs time to herself. Time to just walk away from the crowd and the fun I may be having. I did not miss being away from Richard. Richard is a part of me I have grown to accept. Alex is who I have been in the past and still is a big part of me now. I think this dream was my journey of accepting all sides of myself, at least the parts of me when it comes to social interactions. I need to pay attention to my quieter side and let myself be alone when I need to be. But, the newer more outgoing side of me, Richard, is there and will be there when I need that side to be there. I can be a bit of both as I could see Alex still enjoying the company he was in. He was accepted. But as he grew tired, he needed to be alone and chose to get off the van to take care of himself. He was OK with that. So was Richard as he carried on with the crowd of friends without Alex or me.

So now why boys? Why boys if these boys represented a piece of me, a girl? I am more comfortable with boys than girls. I always have been. I think the dream chose boys because it wanted me to understand my comfort levels. These boys are me…the comfortable. They look different and act different since they represent two different parts of me that will, on occasion, be together. I am still the introverted girl, but one who can be an extrovert when I allow myself to be one. I am different from when I was younger, but I carry that same introverted person with me even when I’m being a social butterfly.

Side note: Nowadays, I am more comfortable with women. I have learned to feel better enough about myself that I can overcome the pettiness that may come up between women. Also having kids, it’s a whole new group of women out there with different focuses. They are about the kids and their husbands. It’s not about whose flirting with who anymore. I have more in common with the moms now. This dream was not about my current social go-to people, but my comfort zone as I grew up. This is still all a journey for me to understand where I was and where I am now in understanding myself. As I talk to the dads and husbands, I can still feel that comfort zone that I have always had growing up. I think I will always have that comfort zone with me regardless of who I choose to talk to.

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