Still No Match…

I know I mentioned before how I have my embryos up for adoption. I have seen three profiles and only one was a good match for us. We accepted the first couple, but they decided to try IVF again. I’m bummed for myself, but I am happy for them and their decision. I was where they are before I finally did get pregnant with my two boys, so I completely understand why they’d want to give it another try.

The second couple we didn’t feel comfortable with as they didn’t seem very confident in the open adoption (the agency only does open adoptions) agreement. They basically explained that if any child produced from my embryos wanted to meet us at or after the age of 16 or at any time, they were not comfortable with that (which we want to be allowed to happen if the child at 16 or older wants to meet us), but they were very willing to communicate through video, pictures, and mail which would have been fine with us before age 16 (we don’t require we see anyone after age 16, but it’s important to us the family is open to the possibility if their child wants to meet in person). Also, we weren’t that comfortable with the amount of credit they gave God to their decisions and life’s journey. ….TOO much! Read more


My new hobby

So, I’ve been trying to start up photography again. I say again in the lightest of terms. I’ve made attempts at starting my interest in photography before, but I haven’t stuck to it. Why? BUSY BUSY BUSY! I just don’t have the mind to remember to bring the camera with me. Don’t get me wrong, I actually enjoy taking photos, but to lug that big thing around is the last thing on my mind of favorable things to do. But, almost everywhere I go, I see stuff I want to photograph. I mean, besides the kids. If I had my camera with me, they’d be in so many pictures! They are a bit too young for me to feel comfortable taking my eyes off of them and viewing them through the camera. I also don’t want them to remember me by the female figure with a camera for a head.


So, here I am taking photos in my yard and around the house. I can’t say they are professional quality, but I’m rather pleased with a few of them. I certainly need more work on taking photos and I REALLY want to learn how to use my camera to it’s fullest capability. I have a Nikon D80 DSLR camera. It’s a good camera! It’ snot even too heavy, but I do have a heavy lens I like to use and a shorter, more comfortable one that does not have any vibration reduction on it so some photos are not as sharp as I’d like. Yeah yeah, I know…. get a tripod. I can only imagine if I get one I’d have to lug that around too. I want to find a good position for me to stand in so I don’t have to use a tripod just to get a good shot. Don’t get me wrong! Most of my shots are clear and not blurry, but some more recent shots I’d have liked to have a tripod with me. I suppose I should just bite the bullet and get one. Read more


Almost 6 Months Later

It occurred to me that I have this wonderful outlet to write down my thoughts no matter how sappy, sad, happy, silly, nonsensical, humorous, boring, and meandering they are. Yet, I continue to forget to write in here. Why? Well, maybe that is the same reason I forget to eat when I’m hungry. Pathetic, isn’t it? I mean I get bad headaches, I got health problems and I need to lose weight. You’d think food is important to me. I don’t eat much so my metabolism is slow as molasses. I should eat more, but NOOO I forget to eat. I don’t think of it, so I miss my opportunity to eat until I’m either feeling faint or I got a NASTY NASTY migraine type headache that not even food can help with. So, why do I forget to write in here when my head is so filled with thoughts, it’s going to explode unless I get it out? Because, I’m just too distracted. Seems to me no matter how basic the need is, my mind just takes over all functions and necessities. I’ve even forgotten to pee when I get the urge until I basically have to go so badly, I’ll pee my pants if I don’t make it to a toilet on time or I’m just in pain and unable to pee which then takes me even longer to relieve myself all because I was distracted! Read more


They are getting so big!

What can I say. I wish they’d be little babies forever. They are growing up so fast! Kiefer is crawling ALL over the place! He crawls from the family room to the office, to the kitchen, to the dining room, to the living room, everywhere! He’s actually tried climbing the stairs too! He can stand on his own, but with support from something. He’s tried to stand without help, but he can’t for too long. He says stuff like “Dada” , “Baba”, “Mama,” but not very often. Most of the time it’s just babble. I could have sworn a couple of weeks ago that he said, “Hi Daddy.” Actually, Jason thought he heard it too. It was really awesome to hear. He also has become very cuddly, and he knows how to kiss. Well, he licks you. He’s licked my face, my arm, my hand, my knee, and Cameron’s head. It’s amazing to watch him as he tries to climb on to things. He’ll try to climb in to the bathtub especially when Cameron is in there taking a bath. He’ll try to climb on to boxes. He made it on to a short wide one, but he sat down on top of it funny and fell off. Poor boy. It didn’t hurt, but he got a little surprised.

Night time is still good. He sleeps well. Every once in a while, however, he’ll start to cry about an hour after I put him to bed. I’ll go up to see what’s wrong, and he’s still asleep screaming and crying. OH NO! I’ll just pick him up, cradle him, and speak to him. It takes a while, but he’ll eventually wake up. He’ll still cry, but at this point I can give him his pacifier and he’ll calm down. It’s so hard to watch him go through this, but he’ll sleep soundly through the night after that. He started this about 6 months old. I didn’t think much of it until I started reading about night terrors. I figured that’s what he had, but I didn’t know that it usually starts when a child is 1 years old. Night terrors come about when either the child is overtired or has seen some things that scare him earlier that day. Kiefer has fears already, and it seems to happen around the times he is frightened. I’d have thought they were just nightmares. he does seem to have those too, but these are different. Nightmares wake you up, while night terrors happen while you are still asleep, but you still either scream, cry, shake, talk, and/or sit-up. Kiefer has been found mainly crying or screaming, but he has at one point sat up, but he was still asleep. I feel awful for him. It hasn’t happened for a while now. I hope it’s just a quick passing phase, but night terrors can last up to 12 years old.I hope Kiefer does not end up having these terrors that long. Read more


A Baby Update

It’s 2:30am on Feb 1, and I sit here watching my sick baby Kiefer, who has a cold, and holding a sock that Cameron recently wore thinking about everything that we’ve all been through for the past 7 months. Things have certainly gone by so fast. I mean, they are already 7 months! Where has the time gone? They are wearing size 4 diapers and are approaching 19-20 lbs! They are only big enough to wear size 3 diapers, but pee like they need size 4…so they get the size 4 diapers or they leak leak leak!

Well, part of the growing up comes with some difficulties. They don’t sleep as easily as they did when they first learned they could sleep through the night. Cameron wakes up needing his paci a lot and even a drink in the middle of the night. I know, I know, tis the time for developmental growth and with that comes restless sleep. But for 2 months now, Cameron just hasn’t gotten a great night’s sleep, ‘cept on a rare occasion. So , now between 1am and 3am, Cameron will wake up wanting his bottle. I must confess something though. I hate that I have to wake up, but to see his beautiful face and be able to look at him, watching him drink, I feel like I get to have a special moment with him. One time, he slept through the night, and I actually missed that moment we have been sharing. He was the fussy baby as a newborn, but now, he’s such a happy boy. I’ll admit, getting him to bed was difficult. He’d cry and cry and cry. We had to just let him cry it out. After about 1 1/2 weeks, he started to calm down and not cry so much when we put him to bed for either a nap or bedtime. It’s gotten so much easier to get him to rest, and he’s a much happier baby through the day now that he’s willing to nap. Read more


Baby Update… They’re Coming!

Well, the time has come. They were scheduled to arrive this coming Tuesday on June 24. What a nice day to arrive! Hopefully it won’t be too hot. It’s two days before my Aunt’s birthday, it is in the middle of the year so both of them won’t have to share birthdays with major gift giving holidays like Christmas, it’ll be warm out so they can have outside parties sometimes and most things are open at this time, and school is usually out at this time so they can celebrate the end of school with their birthdays. I am really looking forward to meeting them and welcoming them home. Read more


My Latest Appointment

Oh my GOD! These babies are growing and growing and growing. I had my baby shower (I think I posted about that before…), and everyone was telling me that a baby’s growth will slow down around this time. Now, I felt that these babies had not slowed down, but I was thinking that maybe they were right. NOT!!! I was right. They grew over 2 lbs each since the last ultrasound! Last time Cameron was 3 lbs 3 oz, this time he’s 5 lbs 12 oz! HOLY CRAP! He’s getting so big! Kiefer was 3 lbs even last time, Now he’s 5 lbs 6 oz. HOLY CANNOLI! He’s a big fella!

I can’t believe they are not ready to come out at this point. Next week, I have another doctor’s appointment and an NST with an API. The NST is to listen in and make sure they are not stressing out and are doing ok. The API is a visualization to do a brief growth estimate to determine when they may have to come out. I’m seeing my doctor regardless since I had made that appointment before knowing about the NST/API requirements. I’m going to be doing the NSTs and APIs every week until I pop. I also have a follow-up ultrasound in three weeks. I’ll be really surprised if I last that long to me honest with you. Read more


Concerns and Thoughts

Well, I don’t know if I should call it concerns, but these thoughts are on my mind and some of them have made me feel nervous, so concern is the best I can come up with.

I’m at 32 weeks and 3 days. My doctor said to not be surprised if these boys want to come out at around 34 weeks. That’s at least a week and a half away!  Can you believe that? It feels so soon! I mean, I have been waiting a long time for these boys to finish baking and even more so to get pregnant at all! I know I deserve this chance to be a mom, but my life is going to change so fast so much so soon! It honestly scares me. I’m not sitting in some remote corner of my house, rocking back and forth mumbling incomplete thoughts repeatedly over it or anything, but the idea that within one month, my entire life and focus will be changed.

Of course, worries of will I be a good mom, will Jason enjoy his new role as a dad, will my dogs be good girls and welcome these boys into their lives with little to no complications, will these boys be healthy… I could go on. These worries are neverending. Normal worries, I’m sure, but neverending. I guess I have to get used to that too…list of the neverevending worries. It’s part of being a mom I suppose. Read more


What’s Going On…

I know, it’s been a while. A couple of milestones have passed and I haven’t even written about them. I’ve been so MIA lately, I apologize!

Hmm, so let’s start by saying. I love the new car! We bought it about a month ago and it’s been doing so well! It’s like a ultimate geek car. it may not be suitable for George Jetson, but it’s got it’s major pluses. I love seeing how much mileage we are able to save and if we can beat it every time we drive. It is definitely a very handy took when trying to save some money and gas mileage with the prices going up lately. I know, it’s an SUV so the gas savings aren’t as good as let’s say a Camry hybrid or Prius, but it’s the best out there for an SUV and it’s practical for us because of the upcoming family needs and the two dogs. We needed the space AND the gas savings. We are definitely not disappointed with our choice.

April 20th was a new milestone for me. Know what it was? The first day of my third trimester!!! That’s right!! I finally made it! I can’t believe it. Now it’s time for back aches, hip softening, and leg cramps. OY! I’ve gotten mine with a vengeance. Can you believe it? The boys switched positions. Kiefer is usually on teh right side, but has switched to the left side and Cameron is now on the right side. Both are still head down though, which is good! The not so good part is somehow, their new position has caused my pelvic bone to twist causing incredible pains in my left leg. For a while it was only the sciatica in my right foot. Now that’s nothing compared to the pain in my left thigh! Read more


My Dentist Appointment

Nothing really exciting going on. My teeth are doing really well. I was there briefly last week before I got sent home for a bad tummy ache, but the hygienist was able to check my gums. She thought I had a little pregnancy gingivitis going on and marked it down. I did make sure I focused on those areas before coming back this week for the hygienist to finish up. She couldn’t find a thing wrong with my teeth! YAY!!! So that’s doing well.

It was kind of funny though. I go there and a woman had just signed in for a dentist appointment and she had twin girls a couple of years ago. The receptionist there just told her I was having twin boys (they love to talk at that place). She went on about a twin mom’s group in the area that I could join that she was a part of. Unfortunately, it’s a little far for me and I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to fit behind the wheel of my car anyhow. Read more